Column #264 US Defeats UK. Osama Blows up his Penis!
July 11, 2006
US Defeats UK. Osama Blows up his Penis!
Thursday, June 29
Today is John Part’s fortieth birthday which in Canadian years means he is fifty. Part celebrated by wearing his own trousers and then seeing off Dutchman Roland Scholten in straight sets to move into tomorrow’s quarter finals, where he will face Terry Jenkins. The former two-times world champion and favorite of the American crowd will have his hands full as Jenkins averaged over 97 to overcome Barrie Bates.
Also advancing to the last eight are Raymond van Barneveld – who will face Andy Hamilton (the man who produced the Kryptonite needed to end Superman’s run); Phil Taylor – who will play Dennis Priestley; and Chris Mason – who will toe up against Wes Newton. Taylor wowed the crowd averaging nearly 104 and in one leg actually denied his opponent (Andy Jenkins) a shot at double despite Jenkins having started the leg with seven perfect darts. Barneveld showed that he means business too, also averaging over 100.
Remarkably, but for a new tape that emerged from Osama bin Laden, in which he threatened to blow up his penis), nothing else happened in the world today – except in England where people all over the country suddenly stopped what they were doing to drink tea. But they do that everyday.
Of note however, on this same date in 1950 the United States defeated England 1-0 in the World Cup. The American team snuck in a goal while the British players sipped their Earl Grey.
From the Field,
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