July 7, 2006
Column 261
Muffins!!!
Monday, June 26
Philadelphia perfectionist Bill Davis was the only American to survive the day, earning his way to the stage on Wednesday with a 4-3 victory over Alabama’s Roger “Taz” Carter. No other American made it through (although Marilyn Popp and Stacy Bromberg came close for the ladies) so nothing else matters.
Okay, okay, what the hell…
Ireland’s Mick McGowan made the cut as did Andy Smith, Steven Smith, Andrew Hamilton and John McGowan, all from some other country north of Africa.
And all you children out there can RELAX! Barney the purple dinosaur qualified and so did Superman.
In other news today, Italy dashed Australia’s FIFA World Cup hopes.
Washington, D.C. was flooded.
J.K. Rowling stoked speculation that she might kill off Harry Potter.
The British press reported that iced marijuana tea will soon debut in London health food stores.
Warren Buffet gave Bill Gates $30 billion.
Scientists announced that a giant half-mile wide asteroid will pass by earth on July 3.
And the National Dart Association changed the regulation height of their dartboards to “either six feet or eleven feet, depending on what kind of muffins you have for breakfast.”
From the Field,
Dartoid
