Column #551 Anne Kramer’s Laguna Sector

Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Column 551
Anne Kramer’s Laguna Sector

Back in 2013 when Anne “Sleepy” Kramer published her first book, The Ultimate Book of Darts, it was observed in this space that “For some reason Larry Butler, the most consistent player of the past three decades and only American ever to win a major darts tournament in Europe (the 1994 World Matchplay) is pretty much a non-entity between the covers (mentioned only in tournament results – there’s no way to avoid that). I can only assume that at some point in history at some tournament in some city between the covers in some hotel room something went horribly wrong and the Sleepy One and the Eagle had a falling out.”

It seems Kramer took these tongue-in-cheek comments to heart. In a very clever way!

Recently, Kramer ventured into the world of romance literature and published twice – Laguna Sector and Cally’s Dream. During the holidays I turned the pages of Laguna Sector. Also, I drank a lot.

I’ve decided to pass on reading Cally’s Dream for two reasons. First, for 64-years I have religiously avoided manicures, herbal tea and romance novels because I don’t want to grow breasts and be called a girlie boy. Second, at my age I cannot handle reading any more steamy sex passages – I will leave this sort of reading to the Old Dart Coach and the actual practice, apparently, to the extremely fortunate John “JK” Kramer.

Here’s the lay of the land (no pun intended). Beware of spoilers…

You’ve got Gabby, a pretty green-eyed, curly red-haired artist; Jacob, a handsome, blue-eyed, dark-haired, time travel agent; Wes, an arrogant, rather stupid, time-traveling thief; Detective Jones, a Laguna cop who, for some reason, readily accepts time-traveling is a thing; and Gracie, the owner of George Gallery, which exhibits Gabby’s artwork.

The “action” (again no pun intended) is set in 2017 (Laguna Beach) and 2153 (Laguna Sector).

Essentially a quasi-sci-fi love story, Laguna Sector is remarkably imaginative. As fiction often mirrors real life experiences, the darts-knowledgeable reader will quickly recognize (if it isn’t immediately obvious from the cover photo) that Gabby is Sleepy and Jacob is the Eagle. Just as obvious, Wes is an amalgam of several past and present ADO board members.

Gabby/Sleepy is a lift-herself up by the bootstraps starving (but of course incredibly talented) artist from Kansas who lives in a bungalow in Laguna Beach. She’s dreamt of the same handsome, blue-eyed man for three months.

Jacob/Eagle is a time-traveling Time Alliance (TA) agent living in 2153, a time when marine life is extinct, and beaches are off-limits because they are so toxic (except, inexplicably, in Hawaii).

Jacob/Eagle is in pursuit of another TA agent, Wes. Wes, who turned (but really was always) bad, steals a Time bot (a hand held time-travel device which requires only four color buttons to operate – with no explanation of how you would actually program a time to travel to), escapes to another time to copy it and then steal all the treasures he’s always dreamed of… by “poof-ing” in and out of banks, museums, galleries, castles, and possibly the super secret place where actual Bitcoin is stored.

Jacob/Eagle has been dreaming for the past three months of a red-haired, green-eyed beauty.

The thief Wes has, of course, located himself in Laguna 2017. He throws the original Time bot into the ocean (because water supposedly cocoons it and protects it from tracking). I’d have dunked it in my beer.

But Wes doesn’t know about beaches, apparently because they’re toxic in his time, and he does this during a storm (or maybe he’s just not very smart). I’m going to go with the latter.

And… SURPRISE!

Gabby/Sleepy finds a golden, glowing thing on the beach the morning after the storm. It has the letters “TA” and four colored buttons. Gabby/Sleepy takes it home and while on her balcony, randomly pushes the green button, which transports her to Jacob’s/Eagle’s balcony in Laguna Sector 2153.

OF COURSE it does.

After some initial confusion (I can’t imagine why) Jacob/Eagle and Gabby/Sleepy figure out what has happened, determine they’ve been dreaming of each other, and that the thief Jacob/Eagle has been pursuing is in Laguna Beach 2017.

Wes has been stealing millions from banks, as well as precious paintings and jewels from around the world, dressed all in black (with a fedora) and “poof-ing” in and out of security camera range everywhere. Wes also has seen Gabby’s/Sleepy’s artwork and stolen one of her pieces from the George Gallery. This brings Detective Jones into their lives.

In the process, Gabby/Sleepy and Jacob/Eagle have lots of hot, passionate sex.

They set out to locate Wes, bringing Detective Jones into their confidence about time-traveling. Like all cops, he immediately stops eating his donut and believes them, let’s them in on all the details of the case, and enlists their help to capture the thief.

An initial attempt to trap Wes at a VIP gallery event fails and he steals another piece of Gabby’s/Sleepy’s artwork. He knows Gabby/Sleepy and Jacob/Eagle are after him, yet, because he is exceptionally lacking in cunning for a criminal, he remains in Laguna Beach 2017 and tries to kidnap Gabby/Sleepy.

He fails, and Gabby/Sleepy and Jacob/Eagle capture and imprison him.

Gabby/Sleepy and Jacob/Eagle live happily ever after.

They are expecting a baby… in 2153 (just so you know, Sharon Butler).

From the Field,

Dartoid

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Dartoid
Author of the column that since 1995 has been featured by Bull’s Eye News, the American Darts Organization’s (ADO) Double Eagle and numerous other darts publications and websites around the globe.