Monday, January 8, 2024
Column 646
“Littler Phenomena” spaws 21 newbie questions/comments and “helpful” answers…
The questions/comments and responses that follow are all entirely real…
Q. When do you replace your flights?
A. Every 18 minutes, otherwise you’ll never make it pro.
Q. Does anyone know the distance from the board to the oche, please?
A. Oh, no – is Google down again? 4 feet, 6 inches.
Q. Is there anything you can put behind the board to make it quieter? Neighbor can hear the thud every time.
A. Earplugs for the neighbors are the best option.
Q. I’ve been playing 2-3 years and am still only averaging 40-50. What am I doing wrong?
A. Try using four darts.
Q. I want to put up a dart board at my flat. How can I keep two cats away when I throw? Don’t want to kill my cats.
A. Buy a dog.
Q. Been throwing for about a year or two now but have yet to get a 180. I’ve had a 140 but just can’t get a 180. Should I change darts or just keep throwing?
A. If you’ve not hit a 180 in two years give up.
Q. Hi! I’m new to this group. I recently joined because I grew up in a dating family, have recently started playing again and have introduced my whole family to it from my 3-year-old to my eldest 21-year-old.
A. A “dating” family sounds dodgy but welcome to the group.
Q. Anyone selling a decent set of soft tip darts? Looking for an upgrade for my 4-year-old.
A. Soft tips for a 4-year-old? That’s a bad swap if I’ve ever seen one!
Q. What’s everyone’s thoughts on hammer heads vs. regular darts?
A. Dunno, I’ve never thrown a shark before.
Q. Starting to play darts. What’s the best way to practice?
A. Make sure that you have the flight facing forward towards the board.
Q. I’m a 40-year-old man. There was just a video of a little kid playing with his new electronic board – so I posted that I’d beat him (obviously as a joke) and was warned of bullying and could face a potential ban.
A. Whomever reported this needs to get a grip. I think the trouble is that you used the pronoun “him” – shame on you.
Q. Does anyone use dart wax? Do you find it beneficial?
A. Yes, it doesn’t half hurt your ear, getting it out with the point.
Q. Good weight of darts?
A. Quarter of a ton.
Q. I prefer pear-shaped flights, but why do most pros use standard shape?
A. Not many world titles have been won with pears. I think it’s the shape more than taste.
Q. How can I hit a 180? A. Get new arms.
Q. Anyone got any tips/advice on how to improve on hitting doubles?
A. I put a mark on the glass – then I know when I’ve got two shots of whiskey in it. Makes it so much easier.
Q. Can I have some interesting darts facts to share with my boyfriend so I can show off?
A. The game of darts originated in the Mesozoic Erabut wasn’t popularized until many years later when the Egyptians would play during breaks while building the pyramids.
Q. If you have 181 left and hit a 180, does it count as a 180 or is it counted as “no score”‘?
A. It will count as a score. You now have 1 left – so you have to hit one dart in the ring around the board, one dart above the d1 and one dart in the ceiling.
Q. At what height is the bull supposed to be from the floor?
A. Just slightly above the heifer’s butt hole.
Q. How do you clean the grooves in your barrels?
A. Use the wife’s toothbrush.
Q. Probably been asked a thousand times before but what are the basics (or tips) for someone starting out?
A. I’d start by getting a dart board and some darts.
From the Field,
Datoid
