Monday, March 23, 2026
Column 711
Lead the world, Dart People – BOYCOTT McDonald’s
Ever since I first started throwing league darts, I have followed the same sacred after-match routine.
Straight to McDonald’s.
Two cheeseburgers and a small fry.
The burgers were never for me. They were for my dogs, who enthusiastically greeted my return home – spinning in circles, sliding across the kitchen floor, and acting like I’d just survived six months at sea rather than three hours in a smoky pub. 
The fries were for me.
It was a system. A tradition.
Over the years, however, two things happened. First, my dogs got fat. Second, the prices became insane.
Back in the early days – when dartboards had staples – cheeseburgers were about fifty cents apiece. Less for the fries. For pocket change I could come home a hero with a paper bag of grease.
Then time marched on. My dogs’ silhouettes became… softer. Less “wolf descendant,” more “throw pillow with legs.”
So, I made the difficult, responsible choice: I cut the burgers. I’d order just the fries. Eat most of them myself. Save a few stragglers for the dogs.
Everybody wins. Waistlines shrink. Account balances remain intact.
Or so I thought…
Recently, after league I pulled into the drive-thru and ordered a small fry. Small! The kind of fries that come in a little paper bag sized for a munchkin. The total came to $3.38. I blinked. I checked the mirror to see if I had somehow wandered into an airport terminal. $3.38! For potatoes! Bullshit. That’s not inflation. That’s extortion with salt.
I sat there gripping the steering wheel, stunned. Behind me a teenager wearing a headset waited for me to accept the reality of modern economics.
But I couldn’t. THREE DOLLARS AND THIRTY-EIGHT CENTS for a small fry means one of two things: either potatoes have become a rare, endangered species… or “affordability” is some serious shit.
This is where darts comes in. Because dart players understand injustice.
In the US, we have been paying a surcharge just to enter events in ADO-sponsored tournaments. We have been paying league dues for, well, nobody really knows. We’ve watched bar tabs quietly grow while the size of the glasses mysteriously shrank. We’ve thrown “perfect” darts just to see them land high or low or left or right. We are a community built on quiet suffering.
But this? This is where we must draw the line.
There are an estimated 100 million people in the world who play darts. ONE HUNDRED MILLION. That is not just a hobby. That is a lightly organized international coalition with surprisingly strong opinions about board rotation.
If even half of us stopped buying fries after league, entire global supply chains would wobble. Drive-thru microphones would fall silent. Potatoes would tremble in the earth. Restaurant managers would gather in break rooms whispering, “Sir… it’s the dart players.”
This is not radical. This is responsible citizenship.
Dart players should BOYCOTT McDonald’s!
This is our chance to lead the world!
We are not asking for much. We just want to go back to a time when a post-match snack didn’t require financing options. Until then, I will be standing firm. No fries!
My dogs were confused at first. They sniffed my empty hands. Looked at me. Looked at the floor. Looked back at me.
So, I gave them each a peanut. They walked away.
My wife says they are demanding regime change.
Stay thirsty, my friends,
Dartoid
