Saturday, January 31, 2026
Column 708
A (stolen) darts joke: A drunk staggers into a bar…
Really drunk. Can barely stand.
He slurs, “Bartender… gimme a martini.”
“Nope,” says the bartender. “You’ve had enough.”
The drunk notices a dartboard behind the bar.
“Fine. Gimme the darts.”
The bartender shrugs, hands him three darts – figuring this will end it.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Three dead center.
The bar goes silent.
The drunk wobbles back. “Now can I have a drink?”
“No drinks for bullseyes,” says the bartender.
The drunk gets angry. “I’m not leavin’ till I get a prize.”
Thinking fast, the bartender spots a small turtle in a shoebox under the bar – a gift for his daughter.
“Tell you what,” he says. “Two prizes for three bullseyes: what’s in the box and a cab ride home.”
The drunk takes the box, hugs it like a football, and staggers outside.
One week later, the same drunk stumbles back in.
“Bartender… any chance of a drink?
“No.”
“Didn’t think so. Gimme the darts.”
The bartender smirks. Lightning doesn’t strike twice.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Three in the red again.
The drunk slaps the bar. “Prize time.”
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “No drink. No turtle. Best I can do is a cab.”
The drunk sighs.
“I figured as much… and I don’t need a turtle anyway.”
He pauses…
“…I was kinda hopin’ for another roast beef sandwich on a hard roll.”
Stay thirsty, my friends,
Dartoid
