Friday, July 1, 2011
Column 415
Scoring for Show, Doubles for Dough. Bobby George’s Darts Lingo.
Okay, I admit it. I don’t understand the British. I don’t understand a fookin’ thing they say. I’ve tried. Honest I have. Now I’ve even read a book that’s supposed to explain it all. Ain’t sure it helped a poo.
I’m not even sure I know what a poo is. Perhaps it’s what Eric Bristow did after watching Keith Deller checkout 138 to take the world championship in 1983. He probably didn’t even make it to the loo. Who the fook knows.
To help me and others, the Man of Many Monikers (Glitter, Dazzler, Bling and Marie’s Mandango), Bobby George, and the Doctor or the Gynecologist or the Professor (as George calls him), Patrick Chaplin, have co-authored a new book. Scoring for Show, Doubles for Dough it’s called.
Well duh – where the hell do you think the title of this column came from?
Released by Apex Publishing in June 2011, it’s the only darts book ever written (out of all six published since Rupert Croft-Cooke handwrote the first on parchment) that’s dedicated exclusively to the unique lingo of the sport.
Blimey, I fookin’ loved it!
I read it cover to cover the other night whilst the missus (this is the lingo for what Bristow hoped Deller would do) was reading some literary crap by Charles Dickens. He can booger off. Or is it bugger?
George and Chaplin are aces and so is their new book. Thanks to George it’s funny. Thanks to Chaplin it’s educational. And thanks to the economy it ain’t dear (at about $13). Order it today at either Amazon or Apex Publishing. If you have great expectations you won’t be disappointed.
I learned that Bed and Breakfast is what you call a 26. Funny that. I thought Bed and Breakfast was a synonym sort of thing for One Night Stand. It is in this damn country.
I learned that neither Bust nor Booby nor Top of the Leg is what I thought (or what apparently comes first to George’s mind either).
I learned that Crawling Around is not the way one describes the aftermath of going pint for pint with Andy Fordham. The lingo for that is Comatose.
I learned that Cricket is a game we Americans ripped off from the British just like we “nicked rugby” and “donned protective gear” so we “wouldn’t get our hair messed up” and called it American football. Apparently the loser of a game of Cricket has to smash a bug with a wicket and chase it with a warm beer.
A Desmond is what we’re supposed to call 22. Double two is Jews (in some Middle Eastern countries checking out this number, along with your self, earns a player 72 Vestal Virgins). Dinkey Doo is Cockney rhyming slang a single two.
Cockney slang is a sort of colorful way of associating an often not so obvious term to describe something that is obvious. An example that’s not in the book but which is pretty much universal evolved from a simple reversal of syllables. If you grab a Bust, Booby or Top of the Leg before being invited a Knee in the Cock is what you’ll get.
I could go on but I won’t. I’ve already leaped over the threshold of the Sexist Zone. Plus I’m right knackered so I must toddle off anyway. Maybe I’ll snag a shag and then have a fag.
Scoring for Show, Doubles for Dough belongs on every darter’s bookshelf. It’s a great read and fookin’ proof positive that neither George nor Chaplin show their writing to their wives or, if they do, ignore their edits.
Just as I have done here.
From the Field,
Dartoid
