Thursday, November 6, 2008
Column 337
Dartoid’s World INTERVIEWED!
Crazy as it may seem, Dartoid’s World was recently asked for an interview by a college student named Samantha. Below is my reply.
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Hello Sammy…
It is a great honor to be asked for an interview. When I learned that you were interested in my opinions I began to weep.
You can count on me!
I promise to do better than Sarah Palin did with Katie Couric.
Speaking of politics, below is special photograph for you.
I call it “I am a mineral.”
For about the past fifteen years I have self-syndicated a humor column about darts. What is most humorous about this is that I know nothing about darts. Well, there is actually another funny bit: I have made no money.
I mention the above points for two reasons. First, you must accept that my responses to your questions will be unusual compared to those of other people you may interview. Second, you must send me a check for $1,000.
So, let’s begin with a little background…
My column, Dartoid’s World, can be found here: Dartoid’s World.
One of several prior interviews can be found here: The Passionate Darter.
A follow-up interview with my wife, Marylou, can be found here: The Passionate Darter. (Do please keep in mind that she drinks.)
If you take a look at these links you will understand what Dartoid’s World is all about and why I am posting this message from prison.
Now to your questions…
How long have you been in business? The first Dartoid’s World column was written in May, 1995. So, if you subtract 1995 from 2008 you will know how long I have been insane. I am not good at math but I believe the precise answer is twenty-eight years and two days. It’s probably just a coincidence but this is also how long I have been married. The column is the most widely read column about darts, both recreational and professional, in the world. Three people read it.
What type of ownership do you use? Why? The business is privately held. There is a small board of directors. The CEO is my golden retriever. The business was not always set up this way. For some years it went by a different name and was a public corporation traded on the New York Stock Exchange. Things didn’t go well. It was called Enron. Of course, the stock exchange is now gone too.
Name one trend in your business? Darts is booming worldwide. It’s come out of the pubs, onto the stage and television (in Europe mainly) and a handful of the better players are now millionaires. While there are several large governing bodies, the main one is a 900-pound guy from Kenya named Ombjaba. Seriously, the premier governing organization – the one that offers up the most tournament prize money – is the Professional Darts Corporation (PDC), based in England. For someone like me who writes about the sport this is all very positive. The more people who become involved in the sport (there are some 21 million league players today in just the US alone), the more main-stream and public (and respectable) it becomes, the more people there will be to read the Dartoid’s World column, purchase my products and so forth. If all goes according to plan I hope to gross $50 in 2009. After costs I should end the year only about $15,000 in the red.
How did you raise your initial capital to start your business? Damn it, it was not me who lit the dynamite and tried to raze the Capitol! That guy’s name was Bill Ayres. The good news is that to start a business such as mine very little, if any, up front cash is required. To start Dartoid’s World I cashed in a $2 lottery ticket. I had $1 left over with which, at the time, I was able to fill up my car.
How do you compete with big business? Well, on a cash basis I don’t (although I am pretty sure my bottom line, negative as it may be, is far better than the balance sheet of most businesses run by gerbils). I would however be willing to throw darts against any Fortune 500 executive and am confident that big business would lose.
So there you go, Sammy.
Finally, as I am always thinking about business, have your teacher contact me if she would like to pose for a double-out shot.
Dartoid
