Wednesday, December 13, 2023
Column 642
Dartoid INTERVIEWED!
Crazy as it may seem, Dartoid’s World was recently asked for an interview by a college business school student named Samantha. Below is my reply.
Hello Sammy…
It is a great honor to be asked for an interview. When I learned that you were interested in my opinions and after I searched the internet for your photo, I took a cold shower.
You can count on me! I’m yours!
Speaking of politics, below is a photograph for you. I call it: “I am a mineral.”
For many years, I have self-syndicated a humor column about darts. What is most humorous about this is that I know nothing about darts. Well, there is actually another funny bit: I have made no money.
I mention the above points for two reasons. First, you must accept that my responses to your questions will be unusual compared to those of other people you may interview. Second, you must send me a check for $1,000.
So, let’s begin with a little background…
My column, Dartoid’s World, can be found here: Dartoid’s World. If you take a look at this link you will understand what Dartoid’s World is all about and why I am posting this message from prison.
Now to your questions…
How long have you been in business? The first Dartoid’s World column was written in May 1995. So, if you subtract 1995 from 2023 you will know how long I have had too much time on my hands. I am not good at math, but I believe the precise answer is twenty-eight years and two days. The column is the most widely read of its kind about darts in the world. Three people read it.
What type of ownership do you use and why? The business is privately held. There is a small board of directors. The CEO is my golden retriever. The business was not always set up this way. For some years it went by a different name and was a public corporation traded on the New York Stock Exchange. Things didn’t go well. It was called Enron.
Name one trend in your business? Darts is booming worldwide. It’s come out of the pubs, onto the stage and television (in Europe mainly) and a handful of the better players are now millionaires. While there are several large governing bodies, the main one is a 900-pound guy from Kenya named Ombjaba. The premier governing organization – the one that offers up the most tournament prize money – is the Professional Darts Corporation (PDC), based in England. For someone like me who writes about the sport this is all very positive. The more people who become involved in the sport (there are some 21 million league players today in just the US alone), the more mainstream and public (and respectable) it becomes, the more people there will be to read the Dartoid’s World column, purchase my products and so forth. If all goes according to plan, I hope to gross $50 this year. After costs I should start 2025 only about $15,000 in the red.
How did you raise your initial capital to start your business? Damn it, it was not me who razed the Capitol! Haven’t you watched CNN? Those people were a bunch of crazed MAGA nutjobs sent by Donald Trump. The good news is that to start a business such as mine very little, if any, upfront cash is required. To start Dartoid’s World I cashed in a $2 lottery ticket. I had $1 left over with which, at the time, I was able to fill up my car.
How do you compete with big business? Well, on a cash basis I don’t (although I am pretty sure my bottom line, negative as it may be, is far better than the balance sheet of most businesses run by gerbils). I would however be willing to throw darts against any Fortune 500 executive and am confident that big business would lose.
So, there you go, Sammy.
Finally, as I am always thinking about business, give me a call if you’d ever like to pose for some photos. And don’t forget my $1,000.
Dartoid
