Dartoids World

Column #HR178 Welcome to The Three Dot Lounge!

Thursday, September 15, 2016
Column HR178
Welcome to The Three Dot Lounge!

The Old Dart Coach is a big fan of the San Francisco Chronicle’s Bruce Jenkins.  Besides being a top-notch sports writer, Jenkins is also the son of Gordon Jenkins who did much of the musical arranging for Frank Sinatra.  He created a mythical placed called “The Three Dot Lounge” which is a once a week column.  In newspaper language three dots (…) means “more coming,” or “I’ve left something out.”  Or if you’re a bridge player it’s a “jump shift.”

So the ODC invites you into Toeing the Oche’s first visit to “The Three Dot Lounge” where you can hear the following 1960’s song on the old juke box…

Walk right in, sit right down, baby let your hair hang down. Walk right in, sit right down, baby let your hair hang down. Everybody’s talking ’bout a new way of walking. Do you want to lose your mind? Walk right in, sit right down, baby let your hair hang down.

Those are words from “Walk Right In,” recorded by The Roof Top Singers (1962), Captain Hook (1977), and others.

Your bartender for this visit to the Three Dot Lounge is Joe who dispenses beverages, advice, and news from the darting world…

“Oh hello there Mr. Dennehy, been awhile…”

“Yeah Joe, been to California to visit the grandkids.  Hate that place.”

“The usual Mr. Dennehy?”

“Sure Joe but just one.”

“That’ll be one Miller Genuine with ice coming right up.”

“Glad you remember Joe. Say where’s the Old Dart Coach today ?’

“He’s out there selling his book. Today he’s wearing a couple of sandwich boards, walking up and down the Las Vegas Strip with the guys selling escort services.”

“Joe, he ought to fit right in. How’s the book doing ?”

“I guess OK. He got a little boost when that fella from Dos Equis beer TV ads endorsed the book. That ought to help. Then dammed if Dos Equis didn’t fire the guy after all these years. Next customer that order’s a Dos Equis is out of luck. No Dos Equis at the Three Dot Lounge.”

the-most-interesting-man-in-the-world“Joe, you’re an up-to-date dart guy. What do you hear about the Championship Dart Circuit?”

“They’ve got their year-end finals coming up in Los Angeles.  Mr. Dennehy, those three CDC guys did one hell of a job.  Calling their finals the Continental Cup.  Kind of a catchy name. Had ten events this year with 8 of them counting for points.  Your old pal Larry Butler won four times and leads in points for the year.  He’s the #1 seed.  I’ll tell you Mr. Dennehy – I don’t understand why darters would play all year and then not show up for the finals. Some kind of professionals. Before I forget, we’ll have the CDC final on the computer here September 24th and 25th.  We get it with YouTube CDC.”

“Say, Joe – maybe you could you help me out here.  Dropped my damn cell phone down the john, got it water logged and now it won’t work.”

“Funny you should ask Mr. Dennehy.  Had a customer come in just the other day, did the same thing.  He went on the Internet.  Found out he could put his phone in a plastic bag of rice and leave  it overnight.”

“Did it work?”

“Sure did.  Sometime during the night the rice attracted some Asians.  They fixed the phone.”

“Now Joe, that sounds like a ricest statement.”

“Nice one there, Mr. Dennehy.”

”Joe,  remember the old days of the Windy City Open?  Didn’t you announce the final there a couple of years?”

“That was the Old Dart Coach, but I do remember the Windy City.  It was one of the big darts tournament of the year.  Just read that 30 years ago the Windy City Open offered $50,000 in prize money and had 427 entries in the singles.  Hell, this year nothing.  That year Bob Sinnaeve won the singles and $2,500.  Now everything is about machine darts.”

“Joe, you ever see that nice fellow Paul Lim?  He lived somewhere in California, I think.”

“Mr. Dennehy, he got into machine darts early.  Moved his base of operations to Asia.  Works for a company that makes dart machines.  I think he’s based in Singapore but the company’s out of Japan.  Just read that he won a big event in Korea.  He beat a fellow from Croatia named Boris Krcmar.  Says he’s from Singapore.”

“I thought he was from America.  Isn’t he a citizen?”

“Right Mr. Dennehy.  He has a house in San Bernardino but plays out of Singapore where he was born.  Guess his company thinks it’ll sell more machines and darts in Asia if he’s Asia-based.  Had a fellow in here yesterday who wasn’t happy with Paul claiming to be a Singaporean when he’s a U.S. citizen.  He does have a point.”

“Funny thing about the Korean event, Mr. Dennehy. There were two brackets of 32 each.  All the Americans were on one side…”

“Didn’t know you were a conspiracy theorist Joe ?”

“Mr. Dennehy, regardless of ability the draw was set so that two North American couldn’t meet in the final.”

“Sounds like the  BDO and ADO.  We call ‘em ‘Mother-in-Law draws.'”

“Say, Joe, does Glenda ever drop in for a shot of tequila?”

“Haven’t seen her for some time, but I do follow her on the Facebook.  She usually gives me a laugh a couple of times a week.  Last week she wrote, ‘I don’t know why people say hurtful things like ‘Wanna go for a run?’ or ‘Try this Kale'”.

“She’s a cracker.”

“Mr. Dennehy, do you remember Dave Whitcombe? Yea, English bloke. Runs a pub now in a place called Sittingbourne. The ODC calls him the Sage of Sittingbourne. Like all us bartenders he also offers advice. His advice today was ‘When it’s dark in your front room turn on the lights.’”

“I hate to say it Joe, but sometimes the Old Dart Coach is Captain Oblivious. Nice remembrance of 9/11 last Sunday. We should never forget. Remember the messages American darters got from darters around the world? It made us feel that somebody cared.”

“Remember it very well Mr. Dennehy.  There’s a bond among darters everywhere. Maybe we could even say a brotherhood.  Nice .”

“Joe, as I remember, wasn’t there one darter who felt America got what it deserved?”

“Sure was Mr. Dennehy.  He’s still around spewing his ignorance.  The dickwad from Hong Kong probably chuckled with glee at 9/11.  Well, if not that he probably thought ‘They got what they deserved.’  Since then, he has developed dartitis.  I doubt it’s a coincidence.”

“Gonna have another?”

“No Joe – got to get down Popeye’s for their two for $1.49 Tuesday special.”

“Tell you what Mr. Dennehy, have one more – my relief will be here and I’ll go with you.”

“You got a deal, Joe.”

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.