Dartoids World

Column #HR149 Coincidence? NEVER!

Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Column HR149
Coincidence?  NEVER!

In the genre of espionage novels there’s no such thing as a “coincidence.”  Nothing “just happens.”  The genre began in America back in 1821 when James Fenimore Cooper published “The Spy.”  Robert Ludlum, Frederick Forsyth, Tom Clancy and John le Carré pound home the “no coincidence” point in their novels.

Toss in Sir Isaac Newton’s – the physicist, not the inventor of the Fig Newton – hypothesis: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”…

…and you’ve got the answer to life.

As the USA is building towards the 2016 presidential election there’s surprise, among some, that the  leading  Republicans are Donald Trump, Dr. Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina.  None has held public office. It’s no “coincidence” – as many are upset with the “rat bastard coward” ruling class in Washington. It’s just that much more evidence in support of Mr. Newton’s hypothesis.

So it’s no coincidence that on October 1, 2015, after  Paul Seigel, aka Dartoid, announced he was running for president of the ADO there was a instant reaction from the ADO.

The ADO president, David Hascup, issued the following statement…

A major change within the ADO has been discussed by several executive board members over the past year, including myself, and at the 2015 August meeting it was finally voted on.  The outcome was unanimous, with the following results (Drum roll along with ruffles and flourishes, if you please):

The ADO Office will no longer employ hourly staff – effective October 17, 2015. The current ADO office will be permanently closed on October 31, 2015.”

It’s good news that the revenue-sapping ADO office is to be closed. But a reading of the “official minutes” of the August meeting will find no mention of the above action.  Why?

Either General Secretary Carolyn Camp forgot to include that information, it was withheld for some reason or it never happened.  Take your pick.

Seigel made his announcement in his column, Dartoid’s World, and included a “click and vote”  feature. The column asked for votes and  listed exactly what he would do upon election. Or as Paul Lim would say, “upon erection.”

That brought an instant response (reaction!) from Steve Brown, the ADO Communications Officer (saluting optional)…

As per ADO bylaws, Mr. Seigel is not eligible to run…  In addition, not everyone is eligible to vote. Only official votes (for eligible candidates) on official ballots will be accepted. As a matter of courtesy, we (one might wonder who “we” is?) therefore request that you refrain from sending your email votes (as requested by Mr. Seigel) to the ADO General Secretary, via her private email account.

But of course the great unwashed must be “courteous” to the elite who have lied to them for 40 years and counting.

In the USA, anyone can run for elected office.  But not so, if that office is an ADO office, at least according to the ADO. At the ADO, holding office is apparently so important and difficult that it takes extensive training to “qualify.”

In the USA, any legal citizen can vote (and sometimes even illegal democrats and dead people cast ballots).  Not so in the ADO.

Many years ago an ADO executive said, “We can’t let the players vote – what the F**K do they know.” Kind of like telling the proletariat to “eat cake.”

Seigel took his platform to the players. Novel approach that.

“Whatever is he thinking?” must have thought the ADO ruling class.

Politicians have given politics a bad name. Regardless, it’s still the science of governing.  How does this Seigel stack up against other politicians running for office?

He’s not Donald Trump, as he doesn’t have a cool comb-over.

He’s not Carly Fiorina, as he never ran a Fortune 500 company and got fired.

He’s not Hillary Clinton for many reasons. He’s never been first lady (although a couple of Halloween costumes might cast some doubt), never uses a BlackBerry and wouldn’t be caught dead in a 1960’s pants suit.

He’s not Joe Biden, as he has his own hair and plenty of it.

And finally…

He’s not Dr. Ben Carson, as he’s never separated Siamese twins (although he did once step between two “alleged” Thai sisters at Tim Bar Beer on Pattaya’s Second Road whilst sharing a pint of golden elixir with the Old Dart Coach).

Paul Seigel is a lifetime dart player who is very successful in business. Above all, he would put regular dart players first. It’s the once-a-week players who have been getting nothing for the money they toss in each year.  It’s primarily for them that the ADO is supposed to exist, not for the elite. The elite can take care of themselves. He will serve as a champion of American darts, not as a third arm of either the BDO or WDF.

Think the ADO puts the American darter first?

At the previously mentioned August 2015 ADO  meeting it was unanimously passed that all ADO National Championships must be held at tournaments raked by both the WDF and the BDO.  How does it help the American player to pay a “player levy” to the WDF? All it does is allow some American elite a seat at the WDF table of “wise people.”

If you need another reason to vote for Seigel, who in just a week has already garnered more than 1,500 votes, the words of ADO President Hascup should seal the deal…

I am a year behind schedule with the changes I wanted to make.  I blame no one but myself (how f-ing noble).  We’re finally moving in the direction that is needed to make the ADO an efficient – and viable – organization.

Oh really! You controlled all the votes from Day One! What stopped you from  making the changes you wanted?! Not a damn thing!

As Grandma Reed use to say, “Sweep with a big broom.”

Click here to vote for Paul Seigel – email your vote to  Carolyn Camp at [email protected].

One darter emailed, “They have already lost and don’t know it.  They are idiots.”

They, the ADO, have lost because the sleeping tungsten giant has been shaken awake. FORTY YEARS of saying “Yes Sir boss” is OVER.

It’s no coincidence that Larry “The Bald Eagle” Butler is one of the two darters winning their way into the Grand Slam of Darts November 7-15.  He played great. Butler won his place with a 5-3 win over former Grand Slam of Darts champion, Scott Waites. Along the way, Butler beat BDO #1 Glen Durant, 5-4, in a match where Butler tossed 10 T80s in nine legs. Andy Fordham, a long-time ODC pal, also emerged from the field of 200 for a spot in the Grand Slam.

And finally…

Chuck Norris – born May 6, 1945.

The Nazis surrender – May 7, 1945.


I think not.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.