Dartoids World

Column #HR148 Beware of what you say, when, and to whom

Wednesday, September 15, 2015
Column HR148
Beware of what you say, when, and to whom

With the most honorable editor gallivanting around the world – even temping the theory that “One Night in Bangkok Makes a Hard Man Humble” – an old adage comes to mind, which  states…

“When the cat’s away the mouse will play.”

Or in Latin, Ad praesens ova cras pullis sunt meliora ad quem ad quod.

Literally translated: “Eggs today are better than chickens tomorrow”.

The above analogy does not apply to Tuesdays at Popeye’s where it’s two pieces for $1.49. That’s a price increase from two pieces for $1.27. During his most recent visit the Old Dart Coach yet again complained about the increase, this time to Ms. Madison. Always polite, Ms. Madison explained,

“It’s supply and demand, sir.”

Ms. Madison will go far – as who would expect a Popeye’s entry level job person to be spouting economics.

One of the real mysteries in the world is why there are no “new” adages. Neither LOL and WTF are adages, just tools for the lazy. Which reminds one of the Latin adage that should be a remembered for anyone using Facebook…

Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui. Beware of what you say, when, and to whom.

The PDC has completed its rape and pillage of their former Colonies, returning home with riches and memories. They did stop off on the return in Muelheim, Germany for yet another of their “let them eat cake” events. The European Darts Trophy features 148 players with a payday of £115,000. “Them” in this case are local players who get to the money rounds to find out that they have to face a “ranked” PDC player. On the ranch in the spring, the “money” round (when dealing with calves) is called the “nut cutting.”

The winner of the European Darts event was Michael Smith for the second year on the trot. Smith took care of  Mervyn King (6-2), Ian White (6-3) and “Marvelous” Michael van Gerwen (6-2) in the finals. Next up for the PDC is the World Series of Darts, November 21-22 in Glasgow. The top eight are seeded with #8 being BDO jumper Stephen Bunting. Funny, but Bunting appears in no other “Order of Merit” listed on the PDC home page.

The Firth of Ireland – not related to the Firth of Clyde – was more articulate in commentating on the recent PDC Tour. His words came after watching the Auckland Dart Masters on the telly…

“Watched the PDC Tournament from Auckland last night. C’mon. Please give the locals a chance. I know it may not be ‘good TV’ but let’s have an ‘open draw,’ otherwise the first round is not worth watching. I know Barry (Hearn), you know your stuff and it’s where you make your money but I think it would be more entertaining to see. The standard we know is higher than the BDO but the first round is always the hardest. I know that they deserve a ‘better crack of the whip.’ Not criticizing, just hopefully providing ‘food for thought.’”

Here in the Colonies, which have been bypassed on the “Let Them Eat Cake Tour,” the Championship Darts Circuit is setting up for their finals where only the top 16 in their standings are invited.  It’s called the Continental Cup, which is appropriate as it’s filled with players from  North American.  With the winner taking home $10,000 in American dollars it’s a big deal.

It’s not the first event to offer $10,000 for the winner. Back in the day, the ODC sold an event to the privately-owned Sands as a “really big deal.” Called the $10,000 Sands Regency, the tournament was won by Ronnie Baxter who collected his check from Sands Regency employee Melanie Purdy while doing a fake yawn.

Later, the owner found out that some of the players had agreed to split the money beforehand  so the event never returned. They truly operated according to the Latin adage, Ad praesens ova cras pullis sunt meliora ad quem ad quod. Stupid.

Is it possible that some of the top seeds for the Continental Cup will agree beforehand to spilt their winnings? A Vegas bookie wouldn’t give you odds on that bet.  D.J. Sayre leads the points and money total (80 points and $6,700) so was awarded the top seed.  He was followed by Larry Butler (71 points and $6,050), Darin Young (68 points and $5,700) and John Part (with 64 points and $4,900).

This weekend, the event will be held at Blueberry Hill in St. Louis – but without the top seed, the aforementioned D.J. Sayre, who is taking a Pasadena.

“D.J. here are your options: Play in the Continental Cup for a $10,000 check or attend a wedding with your girlfriend.”

Easy choice. Knowing that you can always play darts but girlfriends are hard to find, harder to keep and rare gems, D.J. chose the wedding. What will happen if his girlfriend catches the bride’s bouquet? Then D.J. you have a real difficult decision.

If reading about the world darts doesn’t supply enough humor – it’s either laugh or cry – there are still those out there who can provide a morning or evening chuckle.  Overheard at a recent darting event while consuming “golden elixir” and awaiting a call, a fellow remarked to his pal…

“I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.”

The Sage of Sittingbourne, Dave Whitcombe, can brighten even the grayest day. He has comments on all and everything. He takes special pleasure in tweaking  the “twitter” of lady dart players, usually with a casual or not so casual comment on his long suffering wife, Delph.

“Records being broken all over the place. Farah with the running, Rooney with the goals, and last night Delph Whitcombe and Emma Martin for their 100+ darts leg. Sport doesn’t get any better than this.”

Yes, he’s use to sleeping on the couch.

The Sage also runs a popular pub and is a tough taskmaster. Following his comments on the 100+ dart leg he posted, “Where are we at lunch today? We need to get some more things sorted for things that need sorting.”

The Oz is a former dart partner of the Old Dart Coach. He survived but it’s possible some damage remains. He’s a of fan Jamie Oliver, a English celebrity chef, restaurateur and media personality. Oliver also has a guide to 30-minue meals like Rachael Ray. Yes, he’s cute also. Oz recently tried out the Oliver receipt for baked chicken. The result were not good.

“This is the last time I buy a cooking book by Jamie Oliver – doing a chicken bake, and noticed he wrote ‘DUMP IN THE BASIL’ – try explaining to wife why I were squatting in the veggie patch.”

Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.