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#HR127 Grattis på födelsedagen, Sefan Lord!

Friday, December 5, 2014
Column HR127
Grattis på födelsedagen, Sefan Lord!

It’s a little early to be doing the dreaded MERRY CHRISTMAS column…

That’s one of those columns where after having been snuggled in their bed with vision of triples and doubles dancing in their head darters toddle down on Christmas morning to find bundles of goodies under the tree left by Tungsten Santa.  Not going to happen.

If you’re looking forward to a cute little rendition of “Twelve Days of Christmas” then go elsewhere because it ain’t going to happen either.  The only “Twelve Maids A Leaping” the Old Dart Coach wants to see or hear about are found on websites that also carry a virus that results in a call to the Computer Medic.  Oh yes, or those at Tim Bar Beer on Second Road in Pattaya where the “Maids Walk to Music.”

Then what?  How about a potpourri of keen stuff from Facebook and elsewhere…

Some think that problems in darts are unique to their area.  Not so.  The problems are worldwide.  One fine lady, a former world class player from back in the day, posted her view of many current league players… 

I am f****ed off with the darts tonight just lost the league cos all they worry about is what’s in it for them how much is the payout not effing interested in the result well ***k you, so don’t need the hassle I am there for the darts not the frigging money just glad the season is over.

Darters never have trouble posting their opinions and seldom are restrained from using all the words they know.  It would be wrong to think that all posts are negative.  From a lady far across the sea comes the true meaning of life with no “Bush Waa” added to be politically correct… 

Well, they say money can’t buy happiness but it can buy Hermes / Chanel / Rolex which makes me happy!

It’s also true that while money can’t buy happiness it does allow one to be miserable in the lap of luxury or some facsimile thereof.

Another that didn’t drink from the politically correct cocktail was Jim “The Bizz.”  He’s a hired car driver in London, a longtime dart fan and a longtime pal of the ODC…

Watched both darts at the weekend and as usual the bdojersey open was crap. they had 8 years old girls doing the walk-on. how cheap can you get. mind you that would be to your liking dear boy.

How terribly rude calling the ODC “Dear Boy.”

Dart players are unique in many ways.  Ask them about a long ago game and most can give you a dart-by-dart account whether you want it or not.  That kind of memory served one darter well when he posted the first line of the original PDC press release issued back in December 2011…

The PDC will launch a North American Pro Tour (NAPT) that is designed to grow each year and sustain itself after the first three years.

He continued…

Also, Hearn around that time said in interviews on various sports programs broadcast in the UK, that the PDC was investing in North America hoping to create a pro tour that would sustain itself.  Sounds to me like PDC put up money initially for the three-year deal.

To this point the PDC has created “Jack Squat” for players in North America. The PDC grabs their ankles – metaphorically – for “soft point” players while turning their backs on the players in North America without whom they would not exist.  Granted, North America would be a difficult market for PDC to flourish but at least they could make a honest effort.  Greedy bastards.

Keeping with the Christmas motif, the ODC has a couple pals that are “real” sports writers.  Real in that they get paid big bucks, have books that sell and one even appears on ESPN.  They advised the ODC to “always keep a column in reserve” – they call this an “Evergreen.”  Yes,  Christmas Trees are “ever green.”

This is that “Evergreen” column.  The intended column covered the Players Championship (aka Cash Converters Players Championship) won by Gary Anderson and worth a tidy £65,000.  It was written in that column that Anderson beat Adrian Lewis 11-6.  In the semis, Anderson took care of King Phil 10-6 where Taylor missed seven darts at doubles.  Anderson trailed until he leveled the match at three after Taylor missed double 8.  Anderson broke taking out 78 with d12.  He led from then on.

The other option for the column that ended up in File 13 was a preview of the PDC World Championships, which runs from December 18 to January 4, paying out £1.25 million.

There’s an old saying that “Those that snooze loose.” The ODC was snoozing, so someone beat him to it both columns!

This brings to mind the old adage (there are no young adages): “Darn, why waste youth on the young?”

Those that subscribe to the PDC know when they can watch live while others will go to a number of websites that “steal” the signal.  John Part kicks off the tournament on December 18th against Keegan Brown.  The only Yank is soft point star Scott Kirchner (December 20th) who recently opened a pub called “Fast Eddy’s.”  As a former bar owner, the ODC has a piece of advice for Scott:  “The happiest day of your life is the first day your bar is open.  The second happiest day is the day you sell it.”

In 1599, William Shakespeare wrote his tragedy “Julius Caesar” the following…

O mighty Caesar! dost thou lie so low?

Are all thy conquests, glories, triumphs, spoils,

Shrunk to this little measure?

Is it possible that these lines could apply to the PDC in the future?

As the sport has become more TV-popular with sponsors sensing a viable advertising vehicle, individual dart events are becoming less important.  With triple digit pound events becoming the norm rather than the exception each individual tournament losses some of its importance.  Where once the World Championship was the “Cat’s Meow” now it’s a biggie but not the “whole enchilada.”  With the exception of “majors,” individual golf tournaments have become “ho-hum.”  Could darts go that way?

One of the ODC’s oldest, in length of time, friends is Mr. Stefan Lord, called “The Fat Swede” – one of the greatest dart players of all time.  He recently celebrated his birthday.  His pal the ODC didn’t send birthday wishes ’till a day later.  Bad ODC.  Good Swede.

So, Grattis på födelsedagen!

Ja, må han leva!

Ja, må han leva!

Ja, må han leva uti hundrade år!

Javisst ska han leva!

Javisst ska han leva!

Javisst ska han leva uti hundrade år!

The Sage of Sittingbourne is now offering a Tip of the Day.  His latest offerings…

If it’s cold, turn the heating up.

If it’s raining don’t hang clothes outside.

And finally, from the Duck comes these words of wisdom… 

Arguing with a woman is like being arrested by the cops.  Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.