October 1, 2004
Column 171
Mr. Blobby Visits DARTS CHAT
One of the really nifty things these days is that you don’t have to actually go to a bar to talk about darts. Nope. All you have to do is log onto the Internet and click your way to any number of electronic chat “rooms” that offer free admission to the darting public. One of the more popular places for such conversation is at Cyberdarts (http://www.cyberdarts.com).
A while ago I logged onto the Cyberdarts chat. The room was crammed with people from all over the world. The darts-talk was intense. What follows is a verbatim transcript of that session. Many of the screen-names have been changed to protect the depraved. I entered in the middle of a highly technical conversation about our sport…
GENIUS: Blobby goin’ to town smackin’ dat ass.
ROUGE: That’s not funny. It’s stupid.
WOODMAN: I was going to show up.
ANCIENTStL: Oh, it’s funny alright.
ROUGE: Woody, Booger and I won mixed doubles in Brooklyn.
ROUGE: We beat the Catholic Mamma and… I forgot who in the finals.
ANCIENTStL: Was the Mamma thrilled? LOL.
ROUGE: I don’t know how he shoots when you’re around but he shoots fabulous when he shoots with me.
WOODMAN: I’ll bet he does.
ANCIENTStL: Was he wearin’ your green spiked heels?
WOODMAN: Monday’s just got funner. LOL.
DARTOID: Is this what it is like to talk about darts? I’ve got a question.
ANCIENTStL: No… sometimes Genius and I put the girls in a pile.
GENIUS: Yeah. Yeah.
BLOBBY: Blobby.
WOODMAN: I was at Peep’s on Saturday.
DARTOID: Here’s my question. I step to the line. Focus. Set. Stroke. I hit the one instead of the twenty. This happens all the time. I don’t hit the five. Just the one. No matter how much I practice. Can someone help me?
GENIUS: What planet are you from, Blobby?
ANCIENTStL: Blobasuveus.
BLOBBY: Blobby.
ANCIENTStL: Huh? LOL.
GENIUS: Blobby, you are a penis.
GENIUS: Gonna answer?
FISH: It’s because you suck, Dartoid.
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
GENIUS: You penis!
BLOBBY: Blobby.
ROUGE: Genius, knock it off!
ANCIENTSt.L: Let’s all go to the lobby… and point and feed nuts to Blobby.
GENIUS: Blobby, are you dissin’ me?
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby.
GENIUS: I’m having fun.
DARTOID: Can someone please help me?
WOODMAN: Rouge, where are we at on Monday?
ROUGE: I’m not having fun. This is all frickin’ stupid.
GENIUS: Quiet! Blobby is talking.
DARTOID: Is anybody gonna answer my question?
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
GENIUS: Blobby!
ANCIENTStL: Blobby!
Mr.DONG: You guys haven’t seen Mr. Blobby on the telly have you?
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
ANCIENTStL: Blobby’s on television?
FISH: Booby. Booby. Booby.
DARTOID: It is possible, you know, that we are being contacted by a higher life form. We just don’t know understand what it is trying to tell us. I’m thinking it might be trying to explain the 94-out.
ANCIENTStL: Are you on the tube, Blobby?
ROUGE: Come on, Fish!
BLOBBY: Blobby.
GENIUS: A penis-shaped tube probably.
ANCIENTStL: d7. t20. d5.
MR.DONG: He’s pink with yellow spots.
ANCIENTStL: Blobby?
BLOBBY: Blobby.
Mr.DONG: Only says “Blobby.”
ANCIENTStL: Well, now we know Blobby is a Brit! LMAO!
Mr.DONG: Yep. LOL.
DARTOID: He’s probably a policeman who can’t spell.
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
ANCIENTStL: He’s probably Rouge’s closest honey.
ANCIENTStL: A bloody, booby, Bobbi Blobby.
GENIUS: No. No! I am Rouge’s closest honey. Just ask.
ANCIENTSt.L: Now there’s a picture!
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
DARTOID: Not too many people could keep this up for this long…
ANCIENTStL: Someone must have logged him on and set up a one-word hot-key! LOL!
BLOBBY: Blobby.
Mr.DONG: This is shite today.
ROUGE: Yes, it is.
ROUGE. And it’s getting on my nerves.
WOODMAN. Later all. Gotta go.
ROUGE: Bye WOODMAN.
DARTOID: See ya, Woody.
ANCIENTStL: Later Wood.
FISH: Bye.
BLOBBY: Blobby.
ANCIENTStL: Too late Blobby. He already blobbed off.
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby! Blobby!!
BLOBBY: Blobby!!!!
ROUGE: Can we have a conversation among ourselves and ignore this bullshit?
ANCIENTSt.L: Okay. What’s the topic?
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
GENIUS: Hey Blobby, what’s up?
BLOBBY. Blobby. Blobby.
GENIUS: Blobby, how is the weather down there?
GENIUS: In New Orleans.
GENIUS: Shreveport?
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby!!!!!!!!
GENIUS: Dumb-ass, I knew it was you.
BLOBBY: Blobby!!!!!
DARTOID: Who is it?
BLOBBY: Blobby?
DARTOID: Yeah. Blobby.
GENIUS: I can’t tell you.
DARTOID: Blimey. I’m blobbed out. I’m gonna toddle off and get me a spot of tea. Maybe watch some telly.
BLOBBY: Blobby. Blobby. Blobby.
So there you have it. If you want to have a serious on-line conversation about darts, now you know where to go.
From the Field,
Dartoid
