July 1, 2002
Column 122
Potato, PoTAHto; Tomato, ToMAHto
Yesterday I threw caution to the wind and boarded a terrorist bomb (translation: an airplane) and headed for a terrorist target (translation: Las Vegas) to participate in the Professional Darts Corporation’s (PDC’s) first ever Desert Classic darts tournament. Perhaps it was stupid to tempt fate in …
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Dartoid's Column
July 1, 2002
Column 121
Where’s Tommy’s Shorts?
The mood is very festive here, as hundreds of fun-loving darters have gathered for the first ever Professional Darts Corporation’s (PDC) Las Vegas Desert Classic, along with an equal number of fun-loving, bomb sniffing dogs.
Yes, security is tight in Sin City. This is because the FBI …
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Dartoid's Column
June 1, 2002
Column 120
Aim for Eastern North Carolina
A couple of months ago I climbed into a van with a few of my new darts buddies from Philly-land: Tommy Hill, Eddie Rodgers and his brother Al, wild-man Ed “the Kunatic” Kuhn and Donald Rumsfeld.
With Steady Eddie at the controls and to a …
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Dartoid's Column
June 1, 2002
Column 119
Fan Mail
It’s amazing, but true. I receive fan mail.
For example, the other day I received the following note from someone named Lester. Lester seems to think that I need help walking the fine line between making a point and pissing off the entire fifty percent of the world …
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Dartoid's Column
April 1, 2002
Column 118
The Desert Classic
There seems to be no end to the mess of reasons floatin’ around Darts Land about why America should stay home and roast wieners this coming July 4th weekend instead of heading to the MGM Grand in Las Vegas to support the Professional Darts Corporation’s (PDC) new …
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Dartoid's Column
April 1, 2002
Column 117
Where IS the Holland Tunnel?
One of the most remarkable gadgets in the world today is called the Mopar Navigation System. According to the instructions that came with the one I recently had installed in my Jeep, “…this premier high-tech satellite guidance system offers the safety and security that comes …
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Dartoid's Column
March 1, 2002
Column 116
The Buckeye Open
Even the squirrels were still tucked in bed last week when I backed out of my driveway in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I headed west in the early morning drizzle along Route 276, towards Ohio, instead of north for Massachusetts. The journey to throw darts at the Witch …
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Dartoid's Column
February 1, 2002
Column 115
Ask Mr. Darts Language Person
Welcome to “Ask Mr. Darts Language Person,” the only column of its kind in the world, including England, dedicated to proper grammatorical usage in connection with the sport of darts. Special thanks are due to columnist Dave Barry of the Miami Herald, from whom I …
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Dartoid's ColumnJanuary 1, 2002
Column 114
BEWARE of Snoop Dogg and Airport Security!
LOCATION: somewhere west of Detroit
TIME: 2:15 p.m
STATUS: 30 hours to Seoul
In some fifteen years of travel only twice have I had to “talk my darts” onto a plane. On both occasions I was passing through Halifax, Nova Scotia. Each time …
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Dartoid's Column
December 1, 2001
Column 113
Merry Knicker’s Night To You!!!
It’s Halloween! Or Punky Night, if you live in Somerset, England.
This evening, as we in America toss Tootsie Rolls into sacks thrust at us by sticky little children cleverly disguised as sticky little children in sheets, across the pond in Somerset, the Brits are …
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Dartoid's Column