Dartoid

June 1, 2007
Column 292
The Underdog’s gonna GETCHA, Erik McVay!

I had a dream about Erik “the Commandant” McVay last night… and he was wearin’ a dress!

Nah, I only jest. But he will be wearin’ one when I’m through thrashin’ his arse this coming July in Las Vegas.

That’s the deal I’m proposin’ …

May 1, 2007
Column 291
The Iditarod Open

I am we todd did. I am we todd did.
I am sofa-king we todd did.

— Old Eskimo darters saying

Iditarod or “I. Dartoid” – that is the question.

Anagrams have always fascinated me…

But the discovery by my wife that my pen name is buried …

April 25, 2007
Column 290
It was a Dark and Stormy Night

Although some would say it was Peanuts cartoonist Charles Schultz who made it famous, it was Victorian novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton who in 1830 first penned the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night” in the opening line of his novel Paul Clifford. …

April 4, 2007
Column 289
Dr. Darts, Trina Gulliver, and the “Brit and Yankee” Podcast!

Good old boy Doctor of Darts, Patrick Chaplin, is at it again!

He has just today announced the pending publication of the first-ever book featuring a female darts player – seven-time world champion Trina Gulliver. Called “The Golden Girl – …

April 1, 2007
Column 288
Bob Elliott is one of the GOOD guys!

Sometimes I can’t start writing fast enough. This was the case when I learned about my old friend Bob Elliott.

Elliott and I go back to my early days in darts in the Cape Cod Dart League (CCDL). I was just beginning …

March 1, 2007
Column 287
Hey Dummy! We’re Talkin’ about a Darts Light!

I realize this may be a bit incircumspect but, what the hell – this is frickin’ Dartoid’s World, so I’m gonna just put it out there.

Had Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan been Jewish and Austin, Texas’ inventor Scott Harrison been alive 500 …

February 28, 2007
Column 286
Could Cricket have saved the World Series of Darts?

The question has been posed: Would the World Series of Darts have been successful had the choice of game been cricket instead of 501?

I agree that cricket is America’s game, that there is more strategy involved in cricket than 501, …

February 27, 2007
Column 285
Want to Swap your Wife?

When word leaked out in October, 2005 that England’s Michael Davies – the bloke who brought us Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and Wife Swap – had just closed a deal to air the World Series of Darts, I thought, like, well, that’s pretty …

February 23, 2007
Column 284
My wife has won the Golden Nose! AGAIN!

This fall I will have been married to my wife, Marylou, for twenty-seven years!

TWENTY-SEVEN!

That would be a quick 11, d8 baby – now BUY ME A BEER!

On average I throw darts three nights a week. And I travel. I’ve …

February 14, 2007
Column 283
Valentines are Fucked! (A Guest Column by Jerry Masterson, age 8)

Valentines are fucked! And while this sentence may be similar in theme to my previous column, “Kissing Girls is Fucked!” – they are both non-debatable points.

I will now relate a story. There is a boy in my class, …