Dartoids World

Column #HR449 Monsieur Luke’s Olé…  Olé… Olé

Thursday, April 4, 2024
Column HR4498
Monsieur Luke’s Olé…  Olé… Olé

Olé…  Olé… Olé?  Shirley the Old Dart Coach has gone over the edge.  His use of “Monsieur” proves he’s lost a step.  Could be this a belated April Fool’s Day attempt to out his Most Honored Editor’s fake news interview with Lady Gaga?  The man is delusional.  Lady Gaga without pants?

Olé comes from a Spanish cheer for an outstanding performance in bullfighting or flamenco dancing.  Maybe the ODC is onto something.   He usually is.  No one can deny that both Luke Littler and Luke Humphries danced through the computation last week with the skill and daring of dancers – while landing kill shot’s for wins.

Luke Littler won his first Premier League night – adding to this wins of a World Series, Players Championship and European title.  Oh yea, he threw a 9-darter for the cherry on top of the cake.  The PDC website blared: “Luke Littler delighted to break his duck,” Why is Littler happy to injure Donald?  In the background animal right groups are ready to strike.

Littler’s first and only challenge came when he faced Luke Humphries, his first opponent.  Humphries didn’t help his case by missing a pair of doubles to allow Littler a 2-nil lead. Humphries bagged a pair in 14 and 15 darts to even. The two would hold until they reached 5-all.  Littler had the hammer in the decider as Humphries made a valiant attempt at the T70-check coming up short (t20, 20, 50), leaving 40 as Littler checked 68 with three (needing just two – going t16, d10 for the 6-5 win in 14 darts.  Littler’s win derailed Humphries chance for his fourth Premier League win on the trot.

Littler and Michael van Gerwen shared the first 4 legs.  With the honors, Littler led 3-2 and then broke for 4-2.  van Gerwen missed d20 inviting Littler for a “break and hold” which he relished for 5-2.  From 187 van Gerwen got to 16 which he took with 3 in 15 including two misses.  Littler took the next leg in 13 for the 6-3 win.

Nathan Aspinall reached his fourth Premier League final this year – coming out on the short end 3 of 4 times.  Aspinall started off the final but was denied the first leg when Litler checked T36 (t20, d20, d8).  Aspinall came back with 3 in a row to lead 3-1.  Littler used 15 and 12 darts which included T25 check (50, 25, 50) to level the score at 3.  A pair of 15-darters brought Littler to 5-3.  Aspinall got one back for 4-5 then missed d18 on the end of a hoped for T13 finish.  Humphries took the chance to close it out in 15 for his win and a broken duck.  Poor Donald.

For a guy named “Cool Hand Luke” Humphries has had a HOT hand when it comes to tossing the tungsten.  He waltzed through the field at the NEO.bet German Darts Grand Prix starting on Easter Sunday like corn through a seagull.  In short, he was terrific.  He first demolished Luke Woodhouse, sending him home with an average of 108.68, winning 6-3.  Humphries recorded finishes of T70 (t20, t20, Bull) and T61 (t20, t17, Bull.)  Humphries uses the bull the way Italian chef’s use pasta.

Next on the Humphries’ list was Ryan Joyce who succumbed 6-2 under a Humphries’ scoring deluge (with an average of 111.63).  Danny Norbert suffered a similar fate 6-2 while averaging 106.94 to Humphries 106.94.  How?  The averages are a little misleading as Norbert was 2 for 4 on checks but not getting to a finish skewed his average.  All in all, it was an easy win for Humphries which included a T21 finish.

Gerwyn Price on occasions can have double trouble.  Against Humphries he had a basket full – 9 to be precise, to have won three legs, resulting in a 7-3 loss.  Michael van Gerwen got a whipping like a red-headed stepchild losing 8-1.  Humphries averaged 112.86 and an astonishing 107.51 for the tournament.   Having his backside handed to him van Gerwen said, “I think at this moment he is the best player, and we all have to face it, we have to battle but he also knows this is not going to run forever. He’s playing some cracking darts, I have to admit that.”  No sh**, Dick Tracy.

Very seldom does the ODC venture into the world of machine darts.  The last time was following the faithful meeting in Wisconsin when the machine dart people wanted to join the ADO only to be told, “We don’t need you.”  Looking back, vision is always 20/20.

The NDA (National Dart Association) started in 1986, and now has 46,000 players.  Their biggest event is held in Las Vegas each April.  According to the NDA the event draws 3,000.  There’s a change this year – the NDA announced that no backpacks, purses or cross body dart cases will be allowed in the venue.  No food or liquid will be allowed.

The NDA issued the following: “We apologize for the inconvenience, however, at Team Dart 2024, a clear bag only policy will be enforced.  Clear bags will be for sale at Discount Custom apparel for $15 per bag and the goodie bags will be a clear drawstring bag.  Again, we apologize for the inconvenience, but it is for everyone’s safety that we will be enforcing this policy.” 

That statement is as thin as 1-ply toilet tissue.  The ODC’s best guess is that the NDA is the first dart organization to feel the sting of the Las Vegas door mat being pulled out from all but the rich.

Janice Turner spoke to the real reason for the new rules.  “I proved it years ago when I hosted a steel tip tournament for Manny Pacquiao at the Wilshire in Los Angeles.  I told the beverage department if they lowered their prices to a reasonable price, they would sell more, and dart players wouldn’t smuggle in their own. Reluctantly they agreed to and had their best EVER bar takings on a weekend event.  They couldn’t believe how much alcohol they sold and had to go out 6 times to purchase more to sell.”

The NDA probably had no choice as the Westgate no doubt told them to either accept their rules or “take a hike.”  The NDA had no option – so, hello to $12 beers.

There’s a rumor floating that the PDC will meet with the International Olympic Committee in Paris just prior to this year’s summer Olympics.  If the PDC denies the rumor, it’s probably true.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.