Dartoids World

Column #HR406 Shootout in Sheffield?  Mistake on the Lake & Shania Twain

Wednesday, May 10, 2023
Column HR406 
Shootout in Sheffield?  Mistake on the Lake & Shania Twain

That sums up this week’s effort.  The Premier League appears set for a dramatic shootout on Thursday.  Fake news.  NO shootout in Sheffield.  Regardless of the results Gerwyn Price, MvG and Michael Smith will hold the three top spots heading into the penultimate night of the Premier League next week in Aberdeen.  Jonny Clayton and Nathan Aspinall are in a death struggle to capture that 4th and final spot in the playoffs.  They currently are “even Steven” with 22 points.

Neither Clayton nor Aspinall can move inside the top three or be caught by those trailing them.  Should either win this week they’d still be 4th.  They’re on opposite sides of the draw this week so could meet in a final.

Aspinall and Clayton will meet first round next week in a “death match.”  The winner’s into the finals.  Only a fool or someone needing to fill 1,000 words weakly would predict the winner between them after their Euro Tour play last weekend.  The Old Dart Coach qualifies.  Both lost in the Quarters with Clayton having the best average and Aspinall the best check out.

Last week in Manchester, was a “Tour de Force” for Michael Smith.  He put on a show for the jam-packed crowd.  After wins over Nathan Aspinall and MvG, came the final against rejuvenated Jonny Clayton.  The 6-3 final for Smith seems ordinary.  It wasn’t.  Smith took the opener in 11 which Clayton then leveled in 14 with a 72-check.  On a roll, Clayton in 12 and a 121-check (t20, t11, d14) saw Smith trailing for the first time all night.

At that point, the “fit hit the shame.”  Smith exploded with a dazzling display of darting dexterity.  He leveled in 10 darts that came within an “ant’s backside” of the d12 for the 9-darter.  Smith followed that with a 12-darter for 3-2.  He opened both legs with back-to-back T80s.  He then followed three 15-darters for the win.  Smith averaged 110 and finished at 50%.

The Euro Tour event was won by Michael van Gerwen over “Cool Hand” Like Humphries 8-6.  Trailing 4-5, MvG used 12 (T29 check) to level at 5 then 15 and 17 darts for a 7-5 lead.  Humphries got a 6th leg when MvG missed one at 32.  A 16-darters gave not only the win to MvG but advanced him to second in world standings over Peter Wright.

Cleveland, Ohio, was called the Mistake on the Lake since the lake (Eire) bordering it caught on fire.  That aside, the Cleveland Extravaganza was a premier tournament back in the day with $50,000 in prize money.  It drew entrants from around the world.  It was something special and, living up to the “Mistake on the Lake” history, the moniker appeared during tournament play.

The blind draw (re-draw each round) got to the final four with five players.  Once, while enjoying a beverage with friends the late Peggy Philips was notified, by a tournament worker, that “we lost your entry card.  Don’t worry well get you in.”  Peggy to friends: “I didn’t (even) enter!”  The “solution” was to offer all five players runner-up money not to play.  Peggy accepted saying, “Good night.  I’m buying.”

The late Nicky Virachkul is one of the all-time greats.  One time, he was left out of the singles draw – Nicky waited for his call.  It never came.  Finally, Nicky approached the control desk asking, “When do I play?”  Told he hadn’t entered Nicky showed them his receipt.  “We’ll give you your entry fee back.”  “NO, I was going to win I want first place money.”  He got it.  

Times changed this year.  Cleveland offered $20,000 for the quality field.  Jason Watt took home both 301 and 501 singles.  Watt defeated Kevin Luke (3-1) in 301 after losing the first leg, failing to get on with 6 and failing to close with 3 from 32.  Problems solved.  Against Larry Butler in the 501 Watt, when level at one, for the 3-1 win when Butler had trouble closing.

Queen of the Oche, Paula Murphy, finished second in both ‘01 singles to Marlise Kiel (3-0) and Maria Carli (3-2) but captured the Cricket singles 2-0 over Cali West.  Maria Carli and Trish Grzesik took both lady’s doubles.

The WOK (With Out Knowledge) culture is attacking sport like the locusts that destroy a famer’s field.  They’re having success with women sports after the many battles that ladies fought for equally.  The WOK’ters song is not Helen Reddy singing “We Are Women.  Hear Us Roar” – replacing it with replacing it with Shania Twain’s “Feel Like a Women” which is all it takes now to be a female.

Men competing against women is wrong.  Period.  End of story.

The “Feel Like a Women” culture first hit the World Dart Federation with New Zealand’s Victoria Vee Monaghan, a dude who identifies as a “dudette.”  Vee Monaghan won the New Zealand Open thereby qualifying for the WDF championship.  Not a peep from the WDF.

Two weeks ago, at the Danish Open Netherlands Noa-Lynn van Leuven took the Women’s singles over Germany’s Irina Armstrong 5-2.  The win automatically qualifies Vee Monaghan for the WDF Championship.  The WDF wrote, “Noa-Lynn van Leuven was one of the rising stars on the WDF circuit last season but didn’t quite get the rewards for her good play.  That changed in Denmark as she came through four consecutive last-leg deciders to win her first ranking title.”

The weekend at the Welsh Open van Leuven got a lesson in darts from Beau Greaves.  The event had two lady’s singles.  In the first, Welsh Open Ladies, Greaves took down van Leuven 4-0 in top 16 averaging 107.36.  In the Welsh Classic Women’s Greaves did the business over van Leuven 5-1.  Why the big deal?

Once a boy, now “Voila!” van Leuven “feels like a woman” so is one.  Women athletes had better wake up or they’re toast.  Regardless of what the ladies do they need those that run sports to stand up.  Take a stand against the “WOK” culture.

The Old Dart Coach got a note from England: “Played youth darts for Holland as a boy.  Now identifies as a lady and plays in the ladies.  Still has all the weapons downstairs.”

The WDF has a simple resolution available.  Use the same BS “Olympic Rules” as they did for banning Anastasia Dobromyslova.  Olympic rules dictate that a person must pass a rigorous gender test.  Why don’t they?  Maybe they’ve lost or misplaced some of their weapons downstairs.

This weekend, the PDC has 4 Women’s Series events.  Odds are good that there will be no “Feel Like a Woman” males entered.     

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.