Dartoids World

Column #HR250 “I come here to praise the ADO, not bury it.”

Wednesday, January 23, 2019
Column HR250
“I come here to praise the ADO, not bury it.”

The Old Dart Coach is “old school” as the name implies. That conjures up the image of someone with the tendency to repeat things and romanticize the past.  The ODC pleads guilty asking the darting public to cut him a little slack with forbearance.

The American Darts Organization recently held their 2019 national championship in both 501 and cricket in Las Vegas, Nevada. The ODC will not go on a rant about how stupid the game of cricket is.  He congratulates the rest of the steel darting world on ignoring this “stupid idiotic waste of time.”

“Always a bridesmaid never a bride” was the story of ADO President Tom Sawyer’s weekend in Vegas. Sawyer would finish second, reserve champion, in both the 501 and cricket championships.  Leading up to the final of the 01 he was cruising along at 13-5 clip for the day. His 5-2 win over “Chainsaw” Joe Chaney put him in the final.  Then, up jumped Darin Young who laid a hammering on Sawyer 6-1 for the title.  The win was worth $1,700 as Young would go 18-5 from the top 16 onward including his 5-3 semi win over Jacob Womack.

Debbie Ivy completely dominated the women’s 01 with a 12-3 performance to reach the final.  Ms. Ivy secured the championship with a 5-1 trouncing of Marlise Kiel worth $1,600.  Ms. Kiel banked $1,000.

Tom Sawyer was fishing in the cricket pond with great success snaring an 11-3 record. Joe Huffman entered the final having lost only a single leg all day, 11-1. Sawyer made it close in the final losing 5-4. Every darter knows that close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and egg-generated fluctuation. One can go on the internet to learn how to eliminate fluctuation although why one would want to do that is a mystery.

Huffman garnered $1,600 for the win but maybe Sawyer would have the last laugh collecting a total of $1,960 for his two-day efforts. The big money winner of the two-day championship was Debbie Ivy, even with her 5-4 loss in the cricket finals to Paula Murphy.  Ms. Ivy would pocket a total of $2,600. Ms. Murphy earned $1,600 for the win. None of the National Champions produced wins in the Las Vegas Open.

The ODC in a Shakespearean moment writes, “I come here to praise the ADO not bury it.”  Too many so-called “dart experts” seem to relish the idea of knocking not only the ADO but also those in the Motha County – the BDO.  But give the ADO credit for a national championship with a prize fund of $23,000.  Strange, but some well-known men that skipped the national championship thereby sidestepping the $150 entry fee for non-qualifiers constantly whine that they want more competition. Yes, many of the same people claim to be “professional” – whining for more pro-style events.  Zip it.

In the Motha Country critics were unrelenting in their negative comments about the BDO’s not really “World Championship.”  They would do well to take a page from the late Johnny Mercer’s song book which advises, You’ve got to accentuate the positive… eliminate the negative… latch onto the affirmative… don’t mess with Mister In-Between.

It’s a given that the BDO event is not a “World Professional Championship.”  It’s their event which gives them the purchase to call it anything they damn well please.  In the Colonies we have an event called the “World Series” for baseball.  Does the entire world compete? No, but it’s our event and like the BDO we can call it any damn thing we want.

It was mentioned constantly that the commentators were bad (they were) and overstated the abilities of the players and the importance of the event. The commentators were amateurs so to expect perfection would be unreasonable. In would be outside the bounds of credulity for them to take to the air and bad mouth the people who hired them.  The employee that does that is just a short step from standing in the unemployment line.

What was lost was that the winner, Glen Durrant, collected his third title, walking away with £100,000.

Then there was, Yes, but he won’t go to PDC Qualifying School… and if he does, he’ll be left in the dust. Not only did he go to the PDC Q School – he got his tour card.

One light-hearted moment for the average darter (aka: I can do that!) at the Lakeside came compliments of Germany’s Michael Unterbuchner who stepped up for 167 three-dart finish. He went t1, t1 and single 2 to leave 159 – turning what could have been a three-dart finish into a four-dart finish.

The PDC Premier League is a “different kettle of fish” from other PDC events. The ODC has applied his handicapping skills for Fantasy PDC Premier League players, especially for those fantasy competitions offering extra points for correct match scores and T80s.  A three-year study shows that scores of 7-3, 7-4 and 7-5 come up 51.34% of the time and a 6-6 draw only 11.06%.  Thinking of a 7-0 “Snyder?” “Fuhgeddaboudit” as they are as scarce as a dentist in the UK. Over three years the average T80s per night is 27.70.

The ODC’s pick for week #1 in Newcastle: James Wade over Raymond van Barneveld 7- 3, Gerwyn Price and Daryl Gurney – draw, Mensur Suljovic over Gary Anderson 7-4, Michael van Gerwen gets a 7-5 win over Michael Smith as Peter Wright jumps on Rob Cross 7- 3.  Total of 26 T80s.

Las Vegas ain’t what she used to be…

A group of darters were gathered at a downstairs refueling station at the Tuscany last Saturday.  As they rehydrated the beverages flowed along with stories of dart matches past.  It was almost like the “A” Bar at the old Sahara.

At times like these darters come up with brilliant ideas. It was decided that everybody would toss in $20, get a shot of Fireball and let the fun begin.  With $100 dollars deposited into the poker machine the bartender was summoned…

The five of us each just put $20 in that machine – we’d like 5 shots of Fireball.

I can’t do that. I can give you one drink.

So, if each of us put $20 dollars in 5 machines we’d each get a shot?


With that, John Ed played one hand, cashed out and we each made 75 cents.  The casino lost $100 from the machine and broke up the party. Las Vegas today. Pure f’in genius. It sure wasn’t the old “A” bar at the Sahara nor was the bartender Richie.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.