Dartoids World

Column #HR153 Potpourri

Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Column HR153

There comes a time when doing a column that one leans on a formula to get through the 1,000-plus words required.  The Old Dart Coach calls it “potpourri” which is pronounced “PO-PURR-E” not “POT-POUR-EE.” It’s a little if this and a little of that.

The other “potpourri” is the stuff your significant other buys to put in the house, changing the  aroma.  Men can do the same thing with just “beer, hard-boiled eggs with brats and sauerkraut.”  The remaining 900 words will decide which scent emerges.

“Job” Tomlinson

The ODC would like to welcome back to the darting wars the magazine Bull’s Eye News, now called BEN. As full disclosure is necessary the ODC – long before he was the ODC – used to write for Bull’s Eye under the tutelage of Jay Tomlinson and his partner Gary “Plain City” Jones. Both had the patience of Job, putting up with the ODC’s  ego that far surpassed his talent. Information on Job can be found in the Bible in James:5:10-1.

It’s never nice to be critical of a former employer. In this case the ODC is critical of Jay Tomlinson. The bottom line is that he was just too nice a guy. Too many individuals in the sport took advantage of Tomlinson, for which they should be ashamed.  He’s a really good person. In the game of life he’s a 9-darter.

Fatum said it!

As most everyone knows, the PDC was started when a group of players put up their own money and took a chance. “Never happen with darters  in North America.”  Now, maybe – thanks to machine darts (which former playing partner Davis L calls “toy darts”). Sixteen players ponied up $2,000 each, with RedEye Rhino tossing in $5,000, for the first Premier Cup of Darts. The winner was  former hockey playing Canadian Jeremiah Millar who pocketed $15,000 folding green. He shot, he scored from the oche.

Arizona’s David Fatum was one of those playing in the event. When he lost he posted of his efforts: “Horrible but that’s dArts. A horrible display start to finish. It is his day, he’s a decent shot but I didn’t do what I do.”

“My God, the Bridge!” to quote the late Irene Maud. Darters posted displeasure with Fatums’ posting as “not sportsmanlike.” Get a life. He was honest and competing for $15,000.  He‘s honest, put his money where his mouth was and doesn’t have to sing “Kumbaya” to please losers. Grow the “F” up.

The Butler did it!

In the Motha Country, the £400,000 Grand Slam of Darts held center stage for the better part of a week.  Larry Butler, as a qualifier, was at the tail end of his foreign tour that included the World Masters, WDF World Cup and finally the Grand Slam. The first round is modified round-robin. Butler almost moved on to the knockout round.  “Almost?”

He split his first two matches, losing to World Champion Gary Anderson 5-0 and then beating Andy Boulton 5-4 in a nail biter. He needed a win against Raymond van Barneveld to advance. Here comes the “almost.”  Butler, after being down 2-0, would  tie at 2 and 3.  The American “Bald Eagle” had tops to lead 4-3 but missed. Down 4-3, Butler fired 174 but missed double 18 for the win. Barney didn’t.

Butler ended his week by sweeping most events at the Seacoast Open, winning the Cricket Doubles (with Bob Sinnaeve), mixed triples (with Sinnaeve and Robin Curry) and the ’01 Singles where he… played with himself. He was the tournament MVP. Dah?!

Jumpin’ and Cryin’

“Marvelous” Michael van Gerwen added the only PDC TV title he hadn’t won. With the Grand Slam win he also added £100,000 to his bank account. The 16-13 win against the fading 56-year-old Phil Taylor should have tossed scare into other darters. Van Gerwen’s only 26 so if his form continues they can count on him dominating for the next 30 years.

For those familiar with the current Taylor play, he started with runs leading 4-1and 7-3. It was a stroll in the park for Taylor to the second break. The players take a break after each 5 legs. Taylor got to the 7-3 score when van Gerwen missed 5 at a double.

Back from the “pause for the cause,” Taylor missed double 12 and 6 as van Gerwen tossed a 180 and a 105 check.  At 7-5, Taylor missed two at 10 and, at 7-6, Taylor missed three doubles which then allowed van Gerwen to level with a d18. The lead went to van Gerwen (8-7) for the first time when Taylor missed two more at doubles.

When van Gerwen started his run of 10 from 14 legs the ODC posted a message to his pal Dr. WB Batten…

“Taylor is deader than Kelsey’s reproductive organ.”

When Taylor missed a flock of doubles at tops TV commentator Rod Studd opined…

“Never up… never in.”

Exactly what the ODC said, only different.

King Phil had appeared cool as the preverbal English cucumber during his leg winning run. When he faltered his complexion changed to resemble a “thermometer in Death Valley on the 4th of July.”

Surprised that the TV talk guys didn’t  mention that folding like a contortionist has become Taylor’s MO lately.

Taylor, always the bad loser, complained about van Gerwen “jumping around.” His attitude brought Facebook postings. None supportive…

Sir Phil is a legend, England’s greatest ever sportsman, all legends are bad losers, have u not seen Federer? 

For him to say MVG was jumping around was total BS! He just had to mar the win in some fashion. Bad loser. 

Never known anyone like Taylor, he’s good, he’s a great player, but what an absolute arsehole when he loses. Shame with all his wealth he can’t help his poor daughter out. He’s had his best days. Moaning old fart nowadays, give it up Taylor. You’re boring. 


The American Darts Organization held an election. President David Hascup won the election with (possibly as many as) 39 votes to the runner ups Paul “Dartoid” Seigel, with a paltry 2,000-plus. What else would one except in a Banana Republic?

Stephanie Mincey was elected Chief Financial Officer but declined to serve for “personal reasons.”  Then how come the person that finished second isn’t named the winner?

Late Breaking News!

It has been reported that ISIS has a 24-hour Helpline line for Jihadists.

Question is: when they use it are they connected to someone in India ?

The phone number?


In honor of Thanksgiving this effort has been designated a turkey.


Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.