Dartoids World

Column #HR96 The Sun: “Bristow calls Taylor a cheat over missed double 12.”

Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Column HR96
The Sun: “Bristow calls Taylor a cheat over missed double 12.”

Thursday in Las Vegas means a lunch of sporting personalities and sports writers and a good chin wag. It’s strange that HHR II (aka the Old Dart Coach) is included considering the fact that he meets none of the pre-stated qualifications. One regular is Jerry Izenberg of the Newark Star-Ledger which for years rivaled the New York Times.

Izenberg spoke of his first out-of- town assignment covering spring training in Arizona for the San Francisco Giants, formally of New York. The first few days there weren’t a lot of baseball so Izenberg wrote of Arizona. The sights, sounds and people. He was rather pleased with himself.

On the fourth day his ever-demanding editor lectured, “No one here cares about the Arizona, the flora or the people. What they want to know is ‘who’s going to play second base for the Giants this year?’”

The moral of the story as applied to this column?

“Who won the PDC’s £400,000 BetVictor World Matchplay?”

For the 6th consecutive time Phil Taylor walked away with the title and £100,000. He defeated a resurgent Adrian Lewis 18-13. Taylor averaged 110-plus. Lewis had no trouble scoring with 19 180s but double trouble, as it often does, did him in. During the 31 legs of play Lewis missed 9 doubles for legs.

Lewis actually led 5-3 and 6-4 before Taylor turned on “The Power” with 5 legs on the trot. During that sprint Lewis missed three darts for wins.

By far the best match of the tournament was the “wing-ding-doodle” Pier 9 brawl between James Wade and Simon Whitlock. Before the match Wade was the talk of the Winter Garden as he proposed to one of the walk-on girls even though she is still married. Wade seems to understand “playing futures.” Way to go James.

Wade and Whitlock were tied 9 times with the lead changing hands 7 times, missed doubles and great play prohibiting either player from zooming ahead.

Up 13-10 and 13-11, Whitlock missed d16 twice to allow Wade within one. Whitlock then hit double tops for a 14-12 lead which he squandered with a missed double for 14-13 which became 14-all when Wade erased 135 on the bull. Wade would lead 15-14 and 16-15 but then missed one at tops to see the match tied at 16. Up again 17-16, Wade would miss d19 on the end of a 118 finish but would get another shot when Whitlock missed d20 and d10. Wade hit his favorite d10 for the match 18-16. Poetry it wasn’t – just great viewing.

Former three-times world champion, John Part emerged as a “budding” star darts commentator. His fun loving personality shown as well as his conversational style that didn’t talk down to the viewer. Not poetic – just good fun.

Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” American Nobel prize-winning author John Steinbeck borrowed the phrase for his 1937 novella, Of Mice and Men.

If it’s good enough for Burns and Steinbeck it’s good enough HHR II and the ODC.

The plan here was to say “good night” to the cheating of one Philip Douglas Taylor. Like Michael Corleone we tried to get out “but they pulled us back in.”

The Sun newspaper trumpeted “POWER FAILURE… Bristow calls Taylor a cheat over missed double 12.”

Eric didn’t actually say that but it was close enough for a Fleet Street “journalist” even though they’re not on Fleet Street. Nice to see Eric step up. A shy Wallflower he never was. Eric implied what needed to be said.

Not everyone sings from the same hymn book. One top notch professional player provided an interesting spin…

“I’ll chime in. After a couple of young girls in a trailer, this is the second dumbest thing Taylor’s done. Watching the match the only motivation would be to mercifully allow Dean (Winstanley) to exit the stage as quickly as possible. At the time Dean was averaging in the 60s and just chucking his darts hoping it would all be over soon.”

An interesting perspective with Taylor and the officials conspiring to play Dr. Jack Kevorkian. They preformed a mercy killing allowing Winstanley to get off stage without further embarrassment. If true then Taylor should be nominated for the Mother Teresa Award.

Taylor had his defenders who did their best to nuance the situation to the point of obfuscation, some with the tired and true, “Move on, nothing to see here” (doing their best Frank Drebin).

One of Taylor’s most ardent defenders was Victor De Wilde from the great country of Canada. Mr. De Wilde started his defense with, “ethics and opinions aside what rule did he brake?”

It’s always good to define exactly what words means. In the case of the word “ethics” it means “the rules of conduct recognized in respect to a particular class of human actions or a particular group.”

Darters qualify as a “particular group” although using “human actions ” may be pushing the envelope a just bit.

Bristow was spot on with, “The player knows if it’s in and has to declare it. You don’t want cheats.”

Mr. De Wilde asks, “Is there a rule that says a player must correct as official/umpire? To call any person a ‘cheater’… I just ask, what RULE did they knowing or unknowingly brake?”

Some rules don’t have to be written.

Mr. De Wilde then writes, “We will agree to disagree.”

No we won’t because while you have a right to your opinion you don’t have a right to make up your own facts.

Other’s chimed in…

“What an incredibly stupid thing to do when you’re the best dart player who ever lived! Shows what a p**** he really is! I was so surprised when I saw it. Just do not know what was going through his head.”

“A disgrace – so unbecoming.”

“It’s total disrespect knowing what u did, especially in his position. I def lost some respect. I saw the video… even though I’m not a world class player (far from it) it’s quite clear that the dart was outside the wire… I was under the impression that this is a gentleman’s sport… WTF?”

WTF probably means “Well that’s fine” but maybe then again maybe not.

A giant in the darts emails..

“I am aghast. I have never been so flabbergasted! This was the first I’ve heard of this flagrant cheating episode! You wave off the referee, and declare you missed! Simple as that! What a p****!”

The ODC in a jocular mood emailed…

“They I can mark you down as neutral in this matter?”

The answer?

“I’d like to neuter him! Wanker!”

Roses are red
Twins are two
If Phil Taylor can cheat
Then so can you

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.