Dartoid’s Column

June 1, 2002
Column 120
Aim for Eastern North Carolina

A couple of months ago I climbed into a van with a few of my new darts buddies from Philly-land: Tommy Hill, Eddie Rodgers and his brother Al, wild-man Ed “the Kunatic” Kuhn and Donald Rumsfeld.

With Steady Eddie at the controls and to a …

June 1, 2002
Column 119
Fan Mail

It’s amazing, but true. I receive fan mail.

For example, the other day I received the following note from someone named Lester. Lester seems to think that I need help walking the fine line between making a point and pissing off the entire fifty percent of the world …

April 1, 2002
Column 118
The Desert Classic

There seems to be no end to the mess of reasons floatin’ around Darts Land about why America should stay home and roast wieners this coming July 4th weekend instead of heading to the MGM Grand in Las Vegas to support the Professional Darts Corporation’s (PDC) new …

April 1, 2002
Column 117
Where IS the Holland Tunnel?

One of the most remarkable gadgets in the world today is called the Mopar Navigation System. According to the instructions that came with the one I recently had installed in my Jeep, “…this premier high-tech satellite guidance system offers the safety and security that comes …

March 1, 2002
Column 116
The Buckeye Open

Even the squirrels were still tucked in bed last week when I backed out of my driveway in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I headed west in the early morning drizzle along Route 276, towards Ohio, instead of north for Massachusetts. The journey to throw darts at the Witch …

February 1, 2002
Column 115
Ask Mr. Darts Language Person

Welcome to “Ask Mr. Darts Language Person,” the only column of its kind in the world, including England, dedicated to proper grammatorical usage in connection with the sport of darts. Special thanks are due to columnist Dave Barry of the Miami Herald, from whom I …

December 1, 2001
Column 113
Merry Knicker’s Night To You!!!

It’s Halloween! Or Punky Night, if you live in Somerset, England.

This evening, as we in America toss Tootsie Rolls into sacks thrust at us by sticky little children cleverly disguised as sticky little children in sheets, across the pond in Somerset, the Brits are …

November 1, 2001
Column 112
Off the Oche with Dartoid

I’ve been waiting for the blokes at the Professional Darts Corporation (PDC) to call and ask me some of the questions from their special edition quiz, Off the Oche. Of course, I’ve also been waiting for them to ring and invite me to post my …

November 1, 2001
Column 111
Osama Lama Ding Dong

I was intrigued recently when I read that Taliban Foreign Minister Maulvi Wakil Ahmed Mutawakil suggested a little duel to resolve the current world crisis. “I will propose that Mr. Blair and Mr. Bush should take Kalashnikovs and come to a specified place where (the Taliban …