Column #HR300 BREAKING NEWS from the PDC!
Thursday, April 1, 2021
BREAKING NEWS from the PDC!
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Information in this column has been provided to Toeing the Oche by several different sources inside the PDC. In that none of them authorized release of this information and have “no authority or permission to speak on the behalf of the Professional Darts Corporation its officers or its employees” all have been provided anonymity by the author).
The birth of a baby on December 25 sometime between 6 and 4 BC would have been earth shaking news had the world at that time been addicted to cell phones or the internet. By 33 AD those devices would have exploded as on April 1st of that year the Last Supper took place.
The Old Dart Coach believes the reverberations from the PDC plans will have the same effect on the darting world as did the radio broadcast of War of the Worlds on Halloween in 1938 to the public at large.
A press release is being prepared by PDC’s media boss Dave Allen. Internal discussions will provide earthshaking news covering the vista of the darting world. The effects of the proposed policies will alter the course of the sport. When implemented, the changes to today’s darting world will be the most startling since Mr. John Lowe organized the first ever Blind Draw mixed triples (one native American on each team) at Plymouth Rock to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.
One confidential source has shared that the PDC is going to announce shortly a transitional worldwide strategy with the ultimate goal of complete domination. The source informed the ODC that the PDC will buy out the American Darts Organization lock stock and barrel.
There was no price announced as the final decision will be contingent upon the settlement of any and all financial obligations the ADO might have at the time the sale closes.
Under the arrangement current officers of the ADO will remain for now. Their roles (which will be compensated) reportedly will be secure for the long term if they sign documents committing to devote full time to their positions.
The PDC’s Barry Hearn is going to announce that television contracts have been reached with three North American networks – with FOX Sports serving as the anchor as the major signee. Matchroom Sports (owned by Hearn) is assigned the task of all media relations. In an arrangement similar to the first PDC TV contract with Sky TV, income will be determined based on viewership.
Even more exciting in this age of “wokism” will be the formulation of a worldwide series for lady darters.
The tour will hit all continents except for Antarctica (as penguins aren’t known for their darting ability). The plan is for a total of 24 all-women’s events spread over the 6 remaining continents.
In an effort to cuddle up to the International Olympic Committee all events will be organized using the Olympic rules for eligibly. The 24 seeded ladies will receive travel, lodging, food and personal expenses. Those not seeded can qualify for the remaining 8 spots in the round of 32. Worldwide television has been lined up and a major sponsor signed.
A number of years ago at this time of year, editor Paul Seigel penned a column that reported a sale of the BDO to the PDC was eminent. The BDO, at the time, refused the generous offer instead hanging on to the sinking ship. Now the PDC will take over darts in the British Isle for nary a farthing. The British farthing (14d) coin, from Old English fēorðing, from fēorða, a fourth, was a unit of currency of one quarter of a penny, equivalent to 1960 of a pound sterling, or 148 of a shilling.
The PDC will develop two major initiatives for amateur players. An Amateur Tour implemented for those who wish to only be weekend players. An agreement with Pontiffs, the resort operator, for 6 Super amateur events is in place as is a deal for TV coverage.
Additionally, those 6 special events will include an Invitational Senior Event for the greats of the past. Both ladies and gents will be included. Three different “wagering” sites have agreed to provide sponsor money for this series.
Also on the drawing board is a rejuvenation of the very popular country games with an infusion of cash and professional management.
But it’s North America which will see the biggest change…
All “recognized and approved” ADO leagues will be responsible for weekly dues and the reporting of game and match statistics. Every player will receive a national rating that will be used in an effort to revitalize the slowly disappearing North American tournament system. Each approved tournament will receive some financial compensation. International participation by teams representing the PDC/ADO will be temporarily suspended. Working within the World Darts Federation framework the PDC/ADO will aim for future combined international events.
Guidelines for PDC/ADO tournaments will include a random draw conducted by the national headquarters. Along with this will be a new system of ranking players. A player will receive points if he or she beats a player with a higher ranking and get points for each leg won against that opponent. All events will collect $1.00 from each player for each event.
In place of the suspended International events the PDC/ADO has on its “to do” list a series of matches against players from Canada under the title of Can-AM Cup. Details have not been finalized as it’s still in the planning stages.
The question then becomes why has the PDC suddenly realized that North America is now important?
The region has been mostly ignored as the PDC has spent more time and money developing those areas of closer proximity, which is understandable. One factor for this renewed interest in North America is the increase of online and mobile gaming throughout the country. With online betting (meaning betting while a game is in progress) becoming popular, a sport like darts becomes the perfect vehicle. There are “props” with every thrown of the dart.
Yes, the birth of a baby in a manger on December 25 sometime between 6 and 4 BC was a once in a lifetime event. The Last Super on April 1 in 33AD was also a “one off.” (It’s good to keep in mind that April First arrives every year at the same time.)
Enjoy April Fool’s Day. Stay thirsty.
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