Dartoids World

Column #HR199 The Kathy Griffin of darts…

Saturday, June 3, 2017
Column HR199
The Kathy Griffin of darts…

Dressed to the 9s and singing “There’s Only One Phil Taylor” and “Heeeeey Baby” the darting Frankfurters came out to party last night in Frankfurt on Day 2 of the £300,000 PDC World Cup VI at the Eissporthalle. There were Santas and a Cat Women that looked a lot like Lois Griffin from Family Guy. The actual Cat Woman was absent as was Quagmire.

Just a little unfinished business from Day 1…

There are people out there that take great pleasure in proving to the world what total absolute horse’s asses they are. They take pride in ignorance. They stick out like a red-assed baboon at the local zoo. The difference is that the red-assed baboon has no choice. They are and will always be imbeciles, which everyone knows is 10 IQ points below moron status.

The Kathy Griffin of darts, a “D” list regular, posted the following…

“Scotland should be embarrassed, disgraced, basically tie a rock around their necks and go for a swim. Beaten by useless soft tip players. The soft tip *un*s (I’ll spot you the “C” and the “T”) will be claiming this one instance proves the best soft players are as good as the steal.”

You will notice that spelling “steel” poses a problem for darts’ Ms. Griffin. And…“useless soft tip players.”

Just for the edification of this mentally challenged person Paul Lim has been an international darts star for over 30 years. He has won titles on all the dart playing continents. Harith Lim is not exactly chopped liver. He has been a Youth World Master Champ, represented his country on numerous occasions, and competes now at the highest level. What the mentally challenged poster doesn’t understand is that Paul and Harith play machine darts because, like Willie Sutton robbing banks, “That’s where the money is.”

The Old Dart Coach went 6-2 with his picks on Day 1. Not too Chablis.

The USA team was not getting a lot of love from Wayne Mardle when he said, “They are a team that underachieves.” Actually, he was correct. The USA won 5-1 over an Italy. After winning the first leg in 14 darts Italy wilted like overcooked pasta. Early on, Larry Butler provided the scoring. Darin Young erased a T21 on the bull in leg 5. Hello Round 2.

Canada (John Part and John Normal) beat Hungary 5-2 in a match that can be described as a cross between a “child’s refrigerator finger painting” and a “Picasso.” It was ugly as a torn softball but a win’s a win. A repeat of this performance against Austria will have Part back in the commentary box.

The Austrian duo of Mensur Suljovic and Rowby-John Rodriguez played well when they laid the whitewash on China 5-0. It was the best pair play of the tournament until Netherlands hit the stage to close Round 1.

Old Mo plays a big part in darts. South Africa was cruising along with a 4-1 lead over Sweden when “Mo” changed sides. He was prompted to make the move when SA rookie Deon Oliver passed up a dart at double 3, leaving 4, with Sweden on 110. Daniel Larsson removed the 110 starting a change of fortune that saw Sweden narrow the gap to 4-3. Wanting 160, Sweden’s Magus Caris nailed a pair of trip 20s but wired double top. “Dancing” Devon Peterson then took double 12 for the 5-3 win.

When two teams are made up of “rookie” players the results are usually predictable. Both Brazil and Switzerland fit that description. What sometimes happen is a pair (Brazil) will jump ahead, realize it, then stall. They led 2-0, 2-1, 3-1, and 4-2 and held on to win 5-4. The best thing about the match was that there were no fatalities.

Germany’s Max Hopp and Martin Schindler gave the home fans what they wanted… a win. The pair of 20-year-olds won a 5-4 squeaker when Northern Ireland’s Daryl Gurney found out he couldn’t win it on his lonesome. His teammate, veteran Brendan Dolan, was not even good enough to be lousy. Germany moves ahead to play Brazil.

Back in the day, Frank Sinatra recorded a song called “Send in the Clowns.” Someone in Gibraltar must have heard it because they sent 2 of them to the World Cup. Being a gentleman, Wayne Mardle called them “out classed.” Making his first World Cup appearance, Dave Chisnall bested not only the Gibraltar pair but his teammate Adrian Lewis for a 5-3 win. In his tournament preview a week ago, the ODC ventured the opinion that England would miss Phil Taylor. They still may.

The last pair up was the Netherlands with an injured Michael van Gerwen. He has bursitis in his heel which makes it painful to walk. The display that he and Raymond van Barneveld put on was awesome. They checked the Czechs 5-1 averaging 109.33 with a 68% check average. The Czechs lone “W” came when Frantisek Humpula took out 121.

Round 1 Roundup:

USA 5 -1 over Italy

Austria 5-0 over China

Canada 5-2 over Hungary2

South Africa 5-3 over Sweden

Brazil 5- 4 over Switzerland

Germany 5-4 over Northern Ireland

England 5-3 over Gibraltar

Netherlands 5-1 over Czech Republic

Round 2 takes up today (Saturday) with both afternoon and evening sessions. The teams will play 2-501 best of 7 singles. If a team wins both singles the match is over. If each team has one point a best of 7-501 doubles will break the tie. The first session starts at 8:00 a.m. on the East Coast of America and 5:00 a.m. where civilized people live.

Here’s where a little strategy may appear. Do you place your best player first or save him for the second singles so in the case of a tie he’ll be warmed up for the deciding doubles? Someone will get it wrong.

Belgium, the #8 seed, should be the favorite over a Greek team that struggled in downing Thailand 5-3. 14 times Greek champion John Michael will have to get more help from Ioannis Selachoglou. Belgium’s Kym Huybrechts was the star of Day 1 but his brother Ronny struggled. Could see Huybrechts winning this 2-0, especially if Ronny gets a wakeup call; if not, “Watch out for the Greeks!”

The #4 seed Wales with Gerwyn Price and Mark Webster probably played the best combined on Day 1. They eked out a 5-4 win over Finland in a match that was played at a high level. Pumped and tanned Gerwyn Price was a scoring machine with Mark Webster providing the steady hand at the wheel and doubles. They get a Republic of Ireland team that was equally impressive, especially when Mick McGowan kicked it in to add firepower to William O’Connor’s steady play. Republic of Ireland pulls the upset.

Depending on the extent of the injury to Simon Whitlock’s wrist and Kyle Anderson’s continued steady play, #5 Australia should breeze through Russia. Russia’s Boris Koltsov is good. His partner Aleksandr Oreshkin – not so much. As he throws each dart he reaches for the sky. Difficult to figure out how he hits anything but at times he does. Look for the Aussies to win 2-1, especially if the Russians put Koltsov against Whitlock.

Singapore vs. Spain will probably have the Si Habla favored as they won 5-3 without much from   Antonio Alcinas. If Cristo Reyes has to carry the Spanish give Singapore a great chance for the upset. Paul Lim is playing like a kid. His leadership is good for 40 points a game. Still have to go with Spain.

The evening session could well be a ho- hum affair…

#7 Austria should be favored over Canada, maybe by 2-0. Mensur Suljovic and Rowby-John Rodriguez played well while the John Part and John Norman struggled in their 5-2 over Hungary. Norman wasted too much energy celebrating a dart that finally hit what he was throwing at.

Germany against Brazil will be the match of the day. That’s 100% sure as far as the crowd will be concerned. Germany took out the #6 seed Northern Ireland and should prevail again 2-1.

Dave Chisnell is playing great in his debut for England. Adrian Lewis is struggling while still having his moments. Before the tournament started, the Old Dart Coach picked South Africa for the upset here. Like a politician he reserves his right to amend and revise those thoughts. South Africa can’t win, mainly because ”Dancing” Devon Petersen has nothing to dance about. His partner Deon Oliver has been horrid. You can‘t dance successfully without a partner.

Last on stage will be the Netherlands against the USA. It will be short and not sweet. Netherlands moves on 2-0.

After Round 1 the ODC stands at 12-4 with his picks.

Stay thirsty my friends.



  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.