Dartoids World

#HR 133 A solid straight right – for history!

Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Column HR133
A solid straight right – for history!

(Please note: Due to the rules that govern Free Agency and the IDWPU – International Darts Writers People’s Union – this column has not been edited and Dartroid’s World is not responsible for its content.)

The Old Dart Coach is down in the dumps.  His contract has run out with Dartoid’s World.  The owner, editor, and publisher could have made him a “franchise player” thereby securing his services for at least two more years while paying him more than any other darts writer.

“I believe that it’s in the best interest of Dartroid’s World to allow the ODC to test the free agent waters at this time. We have some young people that are waiting on the sidelines and deserve the chance to make their mark.”

The ODC immediately informed  his agent, Rod Goesinya, of the situation and directed him to take immediate action by letting the world know he was available. No meetings are currently scheduled, but one is tentatively on the schedule for next Saturday at Tim Bar Beer just off the beach in Pattaya, Thailand.  Agent Rod Goesinya will be attending to many other famous clients so the ODC will attend the meeting with Mr. Stefan Lord as his counsel.

The Sage of Sittingbourne has been very prolific on Facebook lately. Sage Dave Whitcombe has had the final word on whether the trebles – trebles being what the Brits incorrectly call triples – on the PDC Unicorn Board are larger than on the Winmau board.

“So to the people who have shouted me down, it has now been confirmed (some of us with open eyes knew anyway) that the Unicorn boards have larger trebles. The new Winmau is still slightly smaller – albeit a tiny bit, but smaller all the same. So there.”

The solution? Make the Winmau with larger triples and stop the “armatures” from whining. As any male knows scoring is where it’s at.

At the recent BDO World Trophy event, viewers saw the television reemergence of Ted ‘The Count” Hankey. Hankey won a couple of BDO World Championships in 2000 and 2009, then tried the PDC where he got his doors blown off by real dart players.  Hankey is the epitome of the ’60s Teddy Boys except his forehead starts at the back of his head and runs down almost to his waste showing a very sexy bare veined hairless chest. He plays okay but is an absolute ass.  If he tried his crap at a PDC event Tommy Cox would rush on stage, grab him by the neck and usher him out. As the BDO has nothing to sell, they call his antics “showmanship.”

At the World Darts Trophy Hankey, was playing young Sam Hewson.  The youngster ignored his antics to take out double 2 for the 6-5 win. The Sage of Sittingbourne wrote of “The Count”: “Shit loser, weak handshake, excuses galore, and full of crap and smarmy vomit. But no comment.”

Others would claim that his nickname should include the word “No”  between “The” and “Count.” One English darter thinks that there is one too many vowels in Count.

The Sage of  Sittingbourne ends his tutorial with “(I’ve) come to the conclusion that some people who think they know about darts and players actually know little short of f*** all.”

Today’s league darters probably don’t realize the impact that English darters had on the American scene from the late 1970s up until the acceleration of the PDC into prominence. Each summer, a wave of “undocumented darters’ arrived on our shore’s to mine the riches of the American tournament system. One “non darter” that usually made the trip was BDO President Ken Glidel.

Ken was the President of the BDO, a jolly fellow hail well met, who never passed on the chance to share a pint with the Colonists. A little-known fact: when the American team – Danny Valletto, Rick Ney, Tony Payne and John Kramer – defeated the English 9-0 in the 1985 World Cup team game Glidel may have been the reason.

The Old Dart Coach was named Captain of the women’s team with the added directive from above to room with John Kramer, called JK, and keep him out of trouble. History should note that JK didn’t really cause trouble but he did stand up for what he thought was right. Sometimes loudly.

Arriving in Brisbane, Australia after a very long flight and checking in, the ODC and JK mutually agreed that a refreshing beverage was the order of the day. The hotel’s bar, the Hollywood, was just off the lobby. Settling in with two pints of Australia’s finest, the pair were soon joined by Glidel.  This was at a time when New Zealand was making a huge deal about America’s nuclear subs. They in fact passed a law outlawing them but still allowing men to take their favorite sheep to the senior prom.

Resplendent in their World Cup jackets, proudly proclaiming to be AMERICAN, the trio was approached by someone from behind…

“You’re Yanks?”

Here Glidle was guilty by association.


“I’m from New Zealand… and get your f’ing subs out of my country.”

Being on their best behavior, JK and the ODC – okay, maybe with a “f’off” – turned back to the bar.  Within seconds, an old time bar room brawl broke out.  Someone had thrown a punch and it was “Katy bar the door.” The ODC and JK immediately skedaddled out of the bar, hightailing it to their room. Once inside, they were met by the ringing of the phone – informing them that they were being sent home for causing a fight in the Hollywood Bar.  The ODC pleaded their innocence using BDO President Ken Glidle as their alibi.  He got an “I’ll call you back” from the Grand PooBah.”

After some time with no call, JK and the ODC decided that they weren’t going to be sent home so decided, naturally, that a beverage might be in order. Returning to the scene of the crime, eventually they were joined by Glidle. Of course, they purchased him a beverage and thanked him for saving their bacon. The topic of who threw the first punch came up.  Who would believe it that Ken Glidle saved the Dangerous Duo twice in one day?

“Smack him over the top of your head.”

Ken passed on recently. He will be remembered as a good guy and by one Kiwi as a guy that could toss a pretty good straight right.

America lost an outstanding man recently in Dave Servis from Dayton, Ohio. He was a world class track athletic, an officer in the Air Force, a successful businessman, Ohio State Dart Champion, a father, and husband. All those qualities pale in comparison with his giving heart.

Dave Servis gave more people a helping hand than the Man from All State. When he was your friend “you were in good hands.”  He never got mad, never spoke badly of people while always being a true gentleman.  He was the man we’d all like to be.

Heaven got a little better.



  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.