Dartoid’s Column

Monday, April 29, 2019
Column 571
Darts in Hiroshima, Japan

“I’m a travelin’ man, I’ve made a lot of stops all over the world,” cooed Ricky Nelson in 1961. The song was a massive hit, rising to the top of the charts. Teenage girls swooned. Not widely known is that the tune was written for …

Monday, April 8, 2019
Column 570
Darts near the River Kwai

If you’re a whistler there are handful of tunes you no doubt have in your repertoire.

While the “top” lists of anything are subjective if you’re a whistler you will agree “The Fishin’ Hole” and “Colonel Bogey March” belong near the apex of any …

Thursday, February 14, 2019
Column 569
Valentines are Fucked (an inappropriate guest column by Jerry Masterson, age 8, that has nothing to do with darts)

Valentines are fucked!  And while this sentence may be similar in theme to my previous column, “Kissing Girls is Fucked!” – they are both non-debatable points.

I will now relate …

Friday, February 1, 2019
Column 568
Love letters to the ‘Toid

It’s amazing, but true. I receive fan mail.

For example, the other day I received the following note from someone named Lester. Lester seems to think that I need help walking the fine line between making a point and pissing off the entire fifty …

Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Column 567
The Ultimate Darts Advantage

With the World Championship just days away and then the Pee Wee World Championship to follow at Lakeside, when one considers the lengths to which a darter will go when searching for something – anything, including farts – to give themselves an advantage, it …

Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Column 566
In the days before DartConnect

In the old days before DartConnect, someone named Sarah Parsons chiseled into a block of stone what became revered as the Ten Commandments for Keeping Score.

Scorekeepers SHALL NOT:

1. Talk while keeping score!
2. Move about while keeping score. Stand still!
3. Look at the shooter.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018
Column 565
Do dogs understand darts?

It occurred to me after reading a Dave Barry commentary about whether dogs watch television that it was far past time to address one of the most vital of life’s mysteries. It’s a question that has perplexed the world’s best thinkers ever since the hairy …

Saturday, September 28, 2018
Column 564
Darts in America – 2000 vs. 2018

According to a survey conducted in the year 2000 by the American Darts Organization the average dart player in this country was 38 years old. This suggests that today on average you and I are about 56. In my case (and the …

Monday, August 27, 2018
Column 563
Rest in Peace, John McCain

Tucked away somewhere in the “sweaty hubbub of Vietnam’s capital of Hanoi is an air-conditioned oasis of American military life they call ‘The Ranch.’” According to Newsweek’s chief political correspondent, Howard Fineman, the installation is equipped with “basketball and volleyball courts, clipped lawns, a …

Monday, August 6, 2018
Column 562
Still more darts wanderlust (Cape Town and Bangkok)

“Now when I was a little chap,” recalled Joseph Conrad at the beginning of Heart of Darkness, “I had a passion for maps. I would look for hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the …