Dartoids World

Column #HR324 TRUE STUFF from the ADO Nationals in Vegas!

Wednesday, January 20, 2022
Column HR324
TRUE STUFF from the ADO Nationals in Vegas!

It’s the Old Dart Coach’s theory that the easiest job in the world is forecasting the weather in Las Vegas – summer is hot, fall not so hot and winter almost not hot.

With recent criticism the ODC’s fragile ego has taken another a hit.  Maybe a career change to a weather person in Las Vegas is in order – with a nom de plume of either Stormy Weather of Sunny Skies.

For the highly anticipated ADO National Singles Championships the atmosphere was warm and sunny inside the Las Vegas’ Tuscany Hotel/Casino.  (Yes, you can tell where this column is going.)

Kevin Luke took the ’01 title with a 6-2 win over Mike Neubert.  Luke would reach the final with a 5-2 victory over Larry “The Eagle” Butler.  The men’s singles cricket field ran into an indoor storm in the person of one Elliot Milk who went 8-0 in his final two matches which included a Snyder of Jay Waugh in the final.  Milk was hotter that a July 4th on the Las Vegas strip.

The ladies National Championship turned into a private party with five invites covering the final four in both events.  Cali “Went” West would take the ’01 title, eliminating Marlise Kiel 5-2.  West reached the final with a 4-0 whitewash of Debbie “Poison” Ivy.   One of the invited 5 was Sandy “My dad owned a” Hudson who replaced Marlise Kiel in the final four.  Paula Murphy would welcome Hudson to the final with a 4-0 fun final – although not for Hudson.

The “Titian Tornado,” Ms. Paula Murphy, would have a sunny weekend in Vegas.  Along with partner Dani Warmack she would finish runner-up in the Cricket pairs to Julie Weger-Stacey Pace.  Ms. Murphy and Ms. Warmack would get a measure of payback (which we know is a bitch) when they won the women’s ’01 doubles taking a 2-1 victory over Weger-Pace.  Up 1-0 Weger-Pace found themselves at double 1.  Like beginning players, they treated the d1 like “looking for a needle in a haystack.” Murphy would win the “regular women’s cricket” 2-1 over Shea Cole.

Julie Weger had a good weekend as she won the ADO/WDF singles 5-4 over an unlucky Shea Cole.  Unlucky?  Cole earned some money to gamble but she finished runner-up in the mixed triples.  Could she be called “Second Place Shea”?  Only by Captain Obvious.

The skies were bright all weekend for the men as they vied for $22,000 of the $36,000 dollar prize fund (or as was once printed on a poster for the Thailand Open: “Price Fund.”

Jim Widmayer just seems to just get better – as he took out former mailman Gary Mawson 6-4 to annex the ’01 singles.  Kevin “Cool Hand” Luke, a double winner, would add the men’s Cricket singles to his National ’01 title with a 2-0 win over Shawn Brenneman.

Larry “The Eagle” Butler had himself a couple of days at the beach as, with partner Alex Spellman, he would win both Cricket and ’01 Open doubles.  They dropped nary a leg in either final. The Open Doubles victims were Dustin Holt and Chris Lim – and Joseph Chaney and Jason Brandon drew the Cricket “goose egg.”

In addition to cashing some checks, Butler was invited to compete in the World Seniors Darts Championship February 3-6 at the fabled Circus Tavern in Essex.  Fly Eagle!

Little did “Chainsaw” Chaney and Jason “Let’s Go” Brandon, after losing the final in the first event, know what the weekend would portend – nothing but blue skies for Chainsaw.  With Sandy Hass and “Let’s Go” he’d would win the mixed triples then with Ms. Hass the mixed doubles.  The mixed doubles win came with an asterisk as the opponents, Tracy Feiertag and Colm Neilson, had to forfeit as they “beat fleet” catching a plane to leave Las Vegas.

Rushing to catch a flight and thereby missing a final brings up the eternal problem of dart tournaments running late…

The ODC hired the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe (DCH) to run the numbers after a personal inquiry on entries came up short.  A person not authorized to speak said, “The numbers are down but considering Covid it’s a good crowd.”  Using published figures DCH concluded that the tournament might have made some money on entries.  They deserve it.  If profitable workers could sue claiming they made less than minimum wage they’d win in a walk.

The drop in attendance certainly came from the dearth of non-North American entries – just a couple from England, one from Germany, a pair from the Philippines and a lone lady from Mongolia.

In an attempt to find out about Ms. Erdenechimeg Dondov the ODC contacted a person who could speak for the tournament.  “She is from Mongolia and is here every year.  She has been pretty high in the World Rankings.”

The ODC uses the President Reagan motto “trust but verify.”  He found out that Ms. Dondov is actually raked #104 in current WDF rankings.  When informed of this fact the “person who can speak” replied “She was before Covid.”  Yes, things were different.  Ms. Dondov would make it to the ’01 semifinals, losing to Shea Cole 5-4.

As is obvious, the ODC loves names and nicknames.  They bring out the sun in his life.  One Yank male entrant was named Chip Dick which could be a course of study in a medical college.  If the ODC’s last name was Dick, he would never name an off spring Chip or Rocky.

The Philippine’s lady darter had a great name.  Dimple Ranches could also be a neighbor to the famed Yellowstone Ranch of current TV popularity.  Now if Chip and Dimple were to marry her ranch would be called Dimple Dick Ranch.  Expanding her acreage would lead to…

Questions answered before they’re asked:

There is a law firm named Dewey, Cheatem and Howe (which was not hired by the ODC).  They owned a trotting horse named Deweycheatumnhowe.  The horse was a champion on the track and no slouch in the breeding barn as he covered 140 mates in year one.

Yes, the ODC’s dad did own a Hudson automobile from 1938-54.  The Hudson Company produced cars from 1909-1954.  When they sold to Nash, su Padre abandoned his Hudson for the worst Oldsmobile ever made.

And the ODC did not make up the names for weather persons Stormy Weather or Sunny Skies.  In fact, they’re real people who are practitioners of the terpsichorean art at various exclusive venues in Las Vegas.

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.