Dartoids World

Column #HR84 Pulling a “Taylor”…

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Column HR84
Pulling a “Taylor”…

“He’s undoubtedly the best player ever, but Taylor is also undoubtedly one of the best wankers ever!”

That was the way that one English darter reacted to the latest Phil Taylor temper tantrum. Nothing from “The Power” who probably thought “sticks and stones will break my bones. I’ve got the money so bugger off.”

As was said about Liberace, Taylor “will probably cry all the way to the bank.”

At the end of the year “dinner to-do” Taylor picked up Player of the Year. The new Dutch Master , Michael van Gerwen, took honors as Young Player of the Year, PDPA Player of the Year and fan’s Player of the Year. Van Gerwen chalked up 7 PDC Pro Tour Titles and three nine-darters. He also won “Player of the Year Who Looks Like Uncle Fester from the Adam’s Family.” Heck of a year.

How did Taylor celebrate?

Off to Pattaya Beach – where men are men and sometimes women – where he played 10 games against local darters at the Irish Rovers Pub. The Old Dart Coach got a message from Pattaya resident “Stan Dartss”…

“Just played Taylor. Scored 100….once. He won.”

Stacy Bromberg and Larry “The Bald American Eagle” Butler earned MVP honors at the Rae Chesney shoot in Philadelphia. Partial results (which are better than no results) from an inside source indicate, “I’m pretty sure Darin (Young) won the 501 singles. The spectacular Ms. Bromberg won the ladies ’01 singles.”

Action now moves to the 35th Annual $22,000 Las Vegas Open where the aforementioned Darin Young and Larry Butler will have their final tune-ups before they head off to Hamburg for the PDC Betfair World Cup III. Unlike the Word Darts Federations (WDF) World Cup this one pays out £150,000 with the winning pair getting £20,000 each.

The WDF World Cup? Nada. Zip. Zero. The WDF puts the “A” in amateur.

For the PDC World Cup there’s a Pool play and Group play – which is like a weekend in Vegas. Butler and Young will have to best Finland and host Germany to move on. Last year America made the round of 8 by besting the Philippines (5-3) and Germany (3-1). They then faced the English pair of Phil Taylor and Adrian Lewis. They lost 3-1.

Gary Mawson gave America a 1-0 lead against England beating Phil Taylor 4-3. Darin Young would fall by the same score to Adrian Lewis even though he out-averaged him 87.21 to 83.50. Those pesky doubles will get you. The doubles was all England as they took them 4-2 and the match 3-1.

America should emerge from their Group stage. They need to win so they’ll take the runner-up in the Group headed by #2 seed Netherlands. If they get a win then they’ll face either Poland or Gibraltar in the round of 16 to 8.

Canada’s team of John Part and Jeff Smith face a daunting task in group play as it includes the #4 seed Scotland team (Gary Anderson and Robert Thornton) and Sweden (Magnus Caris and Par – pronounced “Pair” – Riihonen.) Last year, Canada took both singles from England with Ken MacNeil beating Phil Taylor and John Part taking out Adrian Lewis by scores of 4-3. They then lost the doubles 5-3 to level the match score losing a one leg doubles game not to move on.

Par is Pair? Yep. The ODC’s pal, the Lord of Pattaya, has two friends named Par. He told the ODC that it was pronounced “Pair” so that’s the way it is. One night the four were on their way to an exhibition of “walking to music au buff with libations.” Mr. Lord led the way followed by two Pars side-by-side with the ODC trailing.

One Par turned to the ODC and said, “Come walk with us.”


“Why not?”

“Everyone that has ever played 21 knows that you should never split a pair.”

Canada will probably come out of their group as runner-ups which would pit them probably against Wales (Mark Webster and Richie Burnet) who should emerge from Group “D” over Spain and Italy. North American teams have a tough row to hoe. The seed is planted. Unlike the WDF World Cup you know the draw wasn’t done by a group of devious bastards with not well hidden agendas.

In 1985 the WDF World Cup was held in Brisbane. The home 4-person team only had to beat “bye” and “failed to show” to reach the finals against England. It was set up for an England-Australia final but those pesky Yanks (John Kramer, Rick Ney, Tony Payne and the late Danny Valletto) messed that up. ‘Twas a case of “the best laid plans of mice and men.” They beat England 9-0 and then went on to swamp Australia for the gold. During the match against England the ODC was pictured giving “half a victory sign” to the packed Old Town Hall. The Aussie were rooting for England. How dare they ?

The England duo of Phil Taylor and Adrian Lewis will be the heavy favorites. The inaugural event went to the Netherlands with Raymond van Barneveld and Co Stompe beating Wales in the final. Michael van Gerwen replaces Stompe this time. That’s a plus. Last year England took the top honors beating the Australia duo of Simon “The Assassin” Whitlock and Paul Nicholson. They’ll be back again.

Unlike the “other” World Cup this one will be televised from the coin flip to some Brit saying “I’m over the moon.” Here in the Colonies your computer can put you in Hamburg via Justin TV from February1-3. The finals and semi finals hit the USA at 11 a.m. (PST) on Sunday, February 3. That means you can watch the World Cup finals then jump on terrestrial TV to watch the San Francisco Forty-Whiner’s whip up on the Baltimore Ravens. True fact.

One would think that maybe Butler and Young would team up at the 35th $22,000 Las Vegas Open this weekend at the Tuscany Hotel in Vegas. Nay nay. They had their regular partners set up long time ago. Probably not big deal. Both are professionals so they know each other well. They did team up at the recent Rae Chesney tournament. They won the cricket and were runner’s up in the ’01.

Those that didn’t know the late Rae Chesney missed a great experience. He loved darts, dart players and life. Oh yes, and Mary Jo. He rarely got “really” mad. He did once when playing double’s with the ODC at the Royal Hawaiian in Honolulu – the ODC tested his patience as the ODC did for many partners through the years. Recalling the incident, the ODC remembers Chesney just kept saying, when the adult beverage serving person came by,“Yes I’ll have another.” In retrospect the ODC has probably helped the liquor industry more than unrequited love.

Another time, when the ODC missed an out and pulled a “Taylor” his partner said,

“Why are you mad? You’re not that good.”

Stay thirsty my friends.


  • Howie Reed

    Astute, often controversial, and always humorous, the Old Dart Coach, Howie Reed (a former rodeo cowboy and advertising executive), is heralded as the Dean of Darts Chroniclers - the most prolific and widely followed writer ever about our sport. He goes back decades with the legends and knows where the skeletons are buried (just ask any of the ADO and WDF old-timers!). Here are four well-known facts about the Old Dart Coach: 1) he is a Republican, 2) he loves the ladies, 3) he can drink most anybody under the table, and 4) he throws darts as bad as Dartoid.