Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Column HR187
Truth adjustment
Shocked to learn that at times the Old Dart Coach goes off the rails completely to climb on his soapbox to spout drivel? Don’t be. And get ready. This might be another of those times. This is an Ides of March column. In Latin it’s Idus Martiae or in “late Latin” it’s Idus Martii.
The actual date of the “official” Ides of March is the 15th which marks the anniversary of the assignation of Julius Caesar in 44 BC. That’s not a well-known or celebrated holiday. It ranks just behind Cockroach Appreciation Day.
Calling this March 1st effort “an Ides of March column” and then noting that the Ides of March is actually the 15th is not lying. I just took the opportunity to adjust the truth.
During a recent phone conversation with Mr. David Brook the term “adjusting the truth” was injected. That term is now added to the list of other brilliant accomplishments by Mr. Brook. His “Do a book and call it One Night While Drinking with the Fat Swede led to the bestselling book (movie in the works) by the ODC.
During the past week some current or former “leaders” of the American Darts Organization have attempted to “adjust the truth” when writing of Stacy Bromberg. It won’t work. You are lying, useless weasels who don’t deserve to breathe the same air that she did. SSTFUAHs.
Paul “Dartoid” Seigel in his loving good-bye to his friend Stacy Bromberg, wrote, “Stacy was long a proponent of fair payouts.” Some ladies in the darting community interpret that to mean “equal pay” as in the same prize money in both men’s and ladies’ 501 singles.
Let’s “adjust the truth (which, in the event you didn’t notice, is what I did above when I referred to certain ADO people as “leaders”). 99% of all dart tournament exist in North America because they’re carried financially by entry fees. If and when entries in the men’s and ladies’ singles are the same then the payout should be the same.
At the recent Queen Mary Classic the men’s singles had 92 entries while the ladies had 36. With 128 total entries the 92 men represented 71%. The total combined payoff was $1,700 with the men taking $1,200 which is about 70%. That’s a “fair payout.” Congrats to the good folks running the Queen Mary Classic. You did good.
Another thought to consider is if the PDC – Barry Hearne – could figure out a way to make women’s darts profitable they would have already done so. The PDC and Unicorn hosted the first and only ladies’ world championships in conjunction with the PDC world championship. It was won by Stacy Bromberg but was never held again. The promoters, PDC or others, deserve to make money. They should not toil as serfs so dart players can make more money.
As the Pater use to say, “Working for Jesus doesn’t pay.”
The ODC has returned to the darting wars abet on a limited basis. Three times each week the ODC takes his darts and an appetite for “aiming fluid” and “group tighter” to Pattaya Beach, Thailand’s I Rovers Sports Bar for league play.
Visiting is the ODC’s pal Rock ‘N Roll Rick from Angeles City, Philippines. R ’N Roll was the trainer of boxer/dart player Manny Pacquiao when Manny won his first world championships in 1998. R ’N Roll, no shrinking violet he, had mentioned on more than one occasion that when a member of the U.S. Air Force he was “a good dart player.”
The ODC has been known to get the “RA” for almost anything. Topping the list is answering a “yes” or “no” question with more words than found in the novel War and Peace (587,287). Second on that list is “giving a dart by dart replay” of a match.
Challenged by the ODC, R ’N Roll arrived in Pattaya with three sets of darts including a classic set of Black Widows, originally made by Fansteel and now Laserdarts. They were the first “high price” American dart.
“I haven’t played in 28 years,” R ’N Roll told The Fat Swede (Stefan Lord).
R ’N Roll threw three darts. The Fat Swede observed, “He’s not lying.”
The first night, R ’N Roll struggled a little but hit the board – so no problem. He might have even hit a double, on purpose, along the way.
On Day Two of league R ’N Roll explained early in the day, ”I’m not sure I can play tonight, my arm’s sore.”
“You’re a wimp.”
He showed up though and won his singles against a Thai lady.
“I took a three dart out. She had me but…”
“No one cares. Button it.”
“But…”
Some may wonder about the ODC’s return. It was spectacular. A Siegfried & Roy event – a Beyond Belief production. On Night One, he hit the double that saved I Rovers the bill for the beer game. On Night Two, the ODC had a 16-dart game, winning his singles. The third night he played a Thai lady who shot 3 red bulls and a green for score, taking a healthy lead.
The ODC was silently asking the Tungsten God, “Are you F’ing with me?” The Tungsten God answered when the ODC took a nifty 28 out with two.
There does need to be a tad of “truth adjustment”…
R ’N Roll played good for someone away for 28 years. His flight were so old that the glue holding them together had lost all effect.
On Night One, the ODC was saved when with 42 left he went for the 6-10, hitting a fat 2. With 40 left he nailed the double 1, but using all his skill tossed the next one off the board – leaving 38, which his partner erased. So yes, he did save the beer leg, with double one.
On Night Two, he did have a 16-dart game but it was just going for the double 14. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Some “truth adjustments” become classics. In 2015, Steve Harvey announced Miss Columbia as Miss Universe only to be informed minutes later that the actual winner was Ms. Philippines.
Flash forward to the 2017 Academy Awards. Two has-beens – Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway – announced that the Oscar went to the movie La-La Land. Those associated with the movie came on stage and started to speak as the La-La Land folks went “La La.”
Then came the “truth adjustment” with the announcement that Moonlight actually won the Oscar.
The next day Steve Harvey tweeted…
“Fell asleep last night before the Oscars – what did I miss?”
From Facebook: “Record low ratings for the Oscars. Hmmm. Maybe we’re not interested in Hollywood loonies telling us how stupid we are.”
No truth adjustment needed.
Stay thirsty my friends
