{"id":7904,"date":"2023-10-10T13:09:37","date_gmt":"2023-10-10T13:09:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/2023\/10\/column-634-darts-before-the-hamas-killers-stand-with-israel\/"},"modified":"2023-10-10T13:09:37","modified_gmt":"2023-10-10T13:09:37","slug":"column-634-darts-before-the-hamas-killers-stand-with-israel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/2023\/10\/column-634-darts-before-the-hamas-killers-stand-with-israel\/","title":{"rendered":"Column #634 Darts before the Hamas killers! STAND WITH ISRAEL!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tuesday, October 10, 2023
\nColumn 634
\nDarts before the Hamas killers.\u00a0 STAND WITH ISRAEL!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shalom!\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re looking for a game of darts and don\u2019t mind throwing in a joint where a suicide bomber might be sitting at the bar, I have a recommendation.\u00a0 The name of the place is Caf\u00e9 Noga.\u00a0 Billed as an \u201cold country Irish pub and restaurant,\u201d it\u2019s located in the heart of Israel\u2019s second most populous city of Tel Aviv.<\/p>\n

In business for thirty years, Caf\u00e9 Noga is the Jewish state\u2019s oldest billiards club, not that there\u2019s anything wrong with that.\u00a0 People who don\u2019t have the skill to compete in a real sport need to have someplace to go and fart around.<\/p>\n

The good news is that the place also has three regulation bristle dartboards, all set up perfectly in a well-cared for and well-lit area next to the bar and across the way from a green felt sea of twenty pool tables.\u00a0 Just to the left of the real boards is a soft-tip machine.\u00a0 This is also for farting around.<\/p>\n

It was midday when I arrived in Tel Aviv.\u00a0 My cell phone rang\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cHEY DARTOID!\u00a0 Sorry for the interruption but is this the point where you typically pad your column with a few paragraphs of plagiarized Wikipedia crap about what ever city it is you\u2019re visiting?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMorrie!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMorrie?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on man.\u00a0 You remember.\u00a0 1975. \u00a0Miriam and Ariel from Haifa.\u00a0 Semester break.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHOLY CRAP!\u00a0 Morrie Markowitz!\u00a0 It\u2019s been fifty years!\u00a0 What ever happened to those girls?\u00a0 You gotta new joke?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn straight.\u00a0 It\u2019s Passover and a rabbi is eating his lunch on a park bench.\u00a0 A blind man sits down next to him, so the rabbi offers him some of his lunch \u2013 a piece of matzah.\u00a0 The blind man takes it, rubs his fingers over it for a moment and says, \u2018Who wrote this shit?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUgh.\u00a0 How \u2018bout those porkers?\u00a0 Ever make it back to Haifa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI married Ariel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOops.\u00a0 Sorry.\u00a0 Mazel Tov, I guess.\u00a0 Got any other crap jokes?\u00a0 Maybe one of those Jewish haikus\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTry this\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2018Today I am a man.
\nTomorrow I will return\u2026
\nTo the seventh grade.’\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOy \u2013 you still suck Markowitz.\u00a0 Good to hear from you but, really, I\u2019ve gotta run.\u00a0 I\u2019m gettin\u2019 ready to write some serious shit about darts here.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, I checked into my hotel, showered, donned my bulletproof vest, found the Noga at 4 Pinkster Street and for 25 shekels ordered a He\u2019brew Rejewvenator.<\/p>\n

Seriously, I was in frickin\u2019 Israel \u2013 how could I resist a beer called Rejewvenator?\u00a0 I switched to Messiah Gold though as the night wore on, since 25 shekels is the equivalent of 7 bucks.<\/p>\n

My wallet needed saved, praise Jeezus!<\/p>\n

The Noga isn\u2019t a caf\u00e9, not really.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lazy two-story pool hall, one of just a few in the city.\u00a0 It\u2019s a local joint, not particularly popular with foreigners.\u00a0 Possibly this is because the menu boasts little more than toasted cheese sandwiches and humus salad. \u00a0The waitresses are attractive, but unfortunately wear shirts.<\/p>\n

The dartboards are just beyond the bar.<\/p>\n

I set my beer on a table, unpacked my darts and warmed up until approached by one of the regulars.<\/p>\n

\u201cShalom, my friend.\u00a0 My name\u2019s Joel.\u00a0 Want a game?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSalam,\u201d I replied.\u00a0 \u201cI am Abdul-Malik Ahmad Al-Jaber.\u00a0 I kick infidel ass.\u00a0 Praise Allah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay, that last line was a lie.<\/p>\n

Joel and I threw for a couple hours, tried all the beers \u2013 even split a cheese sandwich. We had a good time.\u00a0 About 10:00 p.m. my cell phone rang again\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cHEY DARTOID!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMorrie?\u00a0 PLEASE tell me it\u2019s not you again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, I have one more joke and it\u2019s kind of about darts.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s this party and this girl.\u00a0 She scans the guests and spots an attractive man standing alone.\u00a0 She approaches\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Carmen,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a beautiful name,\u201d he replies, \u201cIs it a family name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she says, \u201cI gave it to myself.\u00a0 It reflects the things I like most \u2013 cars and men.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n

He replied: \u201cB. J. Titsendartz.\u201d<\/p>\n

From the Field – STAND WITH ISRAEL!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dartoid<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re looking for a game of darts and don\u2019t mind throwing in a joint where a suicide bomber might be sitting at the bar, I have a recommendation…\u00a0 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you\u2019re looking for a game of darts and don\u2019t mind throwing in a joint where a suicide bomber might be sitting at the bar, I have a recommendation...\u00a0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":15,"user_id":2,"is_guest":0,"slug":"dartoid","display_name":"Dartoid","avatar_url":{"url":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png","url2x":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png"},"first_name":"Paul","last_name":"Seigel","user_url":"http:\/\/www.dartoidsworld.com","job_title":"","description":"\"Dartoid\" is the pseudonym of Paul Seigel, a prominent chronicler of darts for over 35 years. His columns are celebrated for their wit and insight, often detailing his quest for a game in exotic locales worldwide. His writing offers vibrant commentary on the competitive darts landscape, including players, organizations, tournaments and the sport's unique culture. Dartoid's articles are highly regarded among darts enthusiasts, solidifying his role as a pivotal figure in promoting and documenting darts as both a recreational pastime and professional sport."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7904","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7904"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7904\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6489"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7904"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7904"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7904"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=7904"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}