{"id":7863,"date":"2022-04-14T12:50:59","date_gmt":"2022-04-14T12:50:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/2022\/04\/column-612-the-girls-had-willies\/"},"modified":"2022-04-14T12:50:59","modified_gmt":"2022-04-14T12:50:59","slug":"column-612-the-girls-had-willies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/2022\/04\/column-612-the-girls-had-willies\/","title":{"rendered":"Column #612 The girls had WILLIES!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thursday, April 14, 2022
\nColumn 612
\nThe girls had WILLIES!<\/strong><\/p>\n

The guy\u2019s name was Nigel or Neil or something similar, not that his name matters.\u00a0 He was the only foreigner, a Brit, employed among the large staff of botanists at the famous Nong Nooch Tropical Garden near Bang Saray, just east of Pattaya, Thailand.\u00a0 He was my savior, or so I thought.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d been everywhere – in and out of the scummiest pubs imaginable, following false lead after false lead, looking for a board – and I\u2019d struck out completely. \u00a0So, I decided to blow off the darts and take in the tourist attractions. \u00a0I decided, just this once, to take in a foreign land the way normal people do.<\/p>\n

To Nong Nooch I headed. \u00a0The tourist guides tout the botanical gardens here as among the most spectacular in the world. \u00a0I\u2019d be hard pressed to argue the point. \u00a0The 900 hundred acres of orchid and cactus gardens, artificial lakes and topiaries in every shape imaginable (including some quite Freudian) are out of this world.<\/p>\n

It was as I was leaving Nong Nooch that I spotted Nigel or Neil. \u00a0Immediately I zoned in on his blond hair and his unmistakably British accent. \u00a0I thrust out my hand to shake his and said, \u201cDamn, am I glad to meet you\u2026 nice flowers, but where\u2019s the darts?\u201d \u00a0The way I figured it, this Brit, probably weaned on the sport, had to know where I could get a game.<\/p>\n

He recommended a pub called the Green Bottle in Pattaya. \u00a0In fact, we arranged to meet later that evening for a beer and to throw a few games. \u00a0He suggested I make a pit stop along the way to catch a show at a cabaret called Tiffany\u2019s. \u00a0I was thrilled. \u00a0Beer. \u00a0Girls. \u00a0Darts. \u00a0A hell of a night lay ahead.<\/p>\n

Now Pattaya is different. \u00a0A former fishing town turned major tourist resort, Pattaya at night exudes a weird mix of 1960\u2019s Daytona Beach casual and 1990\u2019s 42nd Street raunch. \u00a0Into the night I headed\u2026<\/p>\n

I rolled into Tiffany\u2019s at 7:00 p.m. \u00a0I managed to get a third-row seat to enjoy the glitz and the song and the dance of 60 of the most gorgeous girls in all of Siam. Wrong! \u00a0Tiffany\u2019s turned out to be a transvestite cabaret. \u00a0The beautiful girls had willies! \u00a0Yuck and thank you very much, Nigel or Neil or whatever your name is.<\/p>\n

I left Tiffany\u2019s early for the Green Bottle so I could get in some good warm up before my new British buddy arrived. \u00a0After steering me to a transvestite club I figured he deserved to be pounded good. \u00a0After hunting for the Green Bottle for almost three hours, finally finding a parking spot, and walking in to be greeted by an Elvis impersonator with a Thai accent – and absolutely no darts setup – I was committed to stabbing my new-found friend in his puny Winston Churchill willy with my Hammerheads. \u00a0He never did show up.<\/p>\n

It was about midnight when I found my way to the center of the Pattaya darts scene, the Texan Inn at 219 Sayyamato. \u00a0The place is a small restaurant that doubles as the town\u2019s only darts accessories shop and headquarters for the local eight team league. \u00a0There\u2019s just one board but it\u2019s set up fine. \u00a0There\u2019s a Monday night Luck of the Draw tournament. \u00a0League play is on Tuesdays.\u00a0 I tossed a few and headed on.<\/p>\n

Now, as I lie awake in the wee hours of the morning pondering this oddball day – bushes sculpted into phallic symbols, boys with boobs and an endless search for a bar with no board – it occurs to me that I have just learned again something I already knew very well.<\/p>\n

And that is: if it looks like a Brit, walks like a Brit and talks like a Brit, it\u2019s probably a Brit\u2026 but that doesn\u2019t mean it knows shit about darts.<\/p>\n

From the Field,<\/p>\n

Dartoid<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The guy\u2019s name was Nigel or Neil or something similar, not that his name 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guy\u2019s name was Nigel or Neil or something similar, not that his name matters...\u00a0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":15,"user_id":2,"is_guest":0,"slug":"dartoid","display_name":"Dartoid","avatar_url":{"url":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png","url2x":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png"},"first_name":"Paul","last_name":"Seigel","user_url":"http:\/\/www.dartoidsworld.com","job_title":"","description":"\"Dartoid\" is the pseudonym of Paul Seigel, a prominent chronicler of darts for over 35 years. His columns are celebrated for their wit and insight, often detailing his quest for a game in exotic locales worldwide. His writing offers vibrant commentary on the competitive darts landscape, including players, organizations, tournaments and the sport's unique culture. Dartoid's articles are highly regarded among darts enthusiasts, solidifying his role as a pivotal figure in promoting and documenting darts as both a recreational pastime and professional sport."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7863","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7863"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7863\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6487"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7863"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7863"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7863"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=7863"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}