Tuesday, April 1, 2014
\nColumn 460
\nFax from Dartoid in Rwanda!<\/b><\/b><\/p>\n
Hi.\u00a0 Kelly Ragland again.\u00a0 Just received this message from Dartoid:<\/p>\n
Rags!<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve messed up bad! \u00a0I\u2019m in jail, man.<\/p>\n
They released my friend, Jak. \u00a0His dad\u2019s with NBC so he has some pull, I guess. \u00a0He\u2019s going to try to get this faxed to Marylou so she can send it to you. \u00a0I was able to call her last night so I\u2019m assuming she\u2019s told you what happened? \u00a0She\u2019s supposed to get here in a couple of days but I don\u2019t think they\u2019ll let her see me. \u00a0I told her that when they let me call. \u00a0Plus we can\u2019t afford it.\u00a0 Let me tell you man, she\u2019s gonna kick my ass!<\/p>\n
The good news is that I got the stuff for the dart case guy – some pretty thick branches of ebony and a couple of really small tusks.\u00a0 The bad news is that it\u2019s all been confiscated. \u00a0The really bad news is that I have no idea what\u2019s going to happen to me. \u00a0They won\u2019t tell me anything. \u00a0They won\u2019t let me talk to anybody, not even the guy from the Consulate. \u00a0I guess that means you\u2019re a webmaster without a website (except those silly things you do for Kuczynski and Silberzahan!).\u00a0 Ha. \u00a0Maybe you could just post this? \u00a0Type it up or scan it or something? \u00a0They took my laptop and my wallet. \u00a0And my darts! \u00a0I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s going to be a while before I can write a real story again. \u00a0That\u2019ll probably make a lot of people happy! \u00a0One thing\u2019s for sure – if I ever get out of this cock-up I\u2019ll be able to write a real killer!<\/p>\n
I\u2019d tell you that Rwanda is a beautiful country but, frankly, from my current vantage point it pretty much sucks. \u00a0Bastards! \u00a0I did go on a mountain gorilla trek the other day in the Virunga Mountains and sat on the edge of a clearing very close to a family group – the babies were quite curious (but the silverback – he must have weighed 500 pounds – didn’t seem pleased).\u00a0 They are threatened here by deforestation, political instability and poachers. \u00a0We golfed last Monday and I actually saw a giraffe in the distance while hunting for one of my balls.<\/p>\n
I got to throw darts twice. \u00a0There was a good set-up at the hotel we stayed at in Byumba \u2013 called the Lemigo. \u00a0It\u2019s near the little airport there. \u00a0Then the night before last I hooked up with some of the guys from the Rwandan National Team at O’Connell’s Bar (yep, an Irish bar in Rwanda) here in Kigali.\u00a0 Possibly they\u2019d be helping me out now if I hadn\u2019t whooped their sorry asses! \u00a0They shoot against teams from Uganda, Burundi, and even Kenya.\u00a0 I know from past travels that some of these teams (the Ugandans in particular) are quite good.<\/p>\n
Obviously, Jak and I spent a lot of time at the markets. \u00a0That\u2019s what landed me at Gikondo Prison. \u00a0You can buy almost anything for next to nothing. \u00a0The stuff they took from me at the airport was worth a thousand bucks, easy. \u00a0It cost me 35,000 Rwandan Francs, only about $50.\u00a0 But I was stupid. \u00a0I knew it was stupid. \u00a0They can pretty much do whatever they want with me. \u00a0I know that. \u00a0I knew that.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m stuck here in this crappy-ass place eating something called bugali<\/i> (kind of like mashed potatoes) and wondering what\u2019s going to happen next.\u00a0 There are something like 50,000 prisoners here and I haven’t seen another white dude.<\/p>\n
Well, that\u2019s it Rags. \u00a0Not much else to say and don\u2019t know when I\u2019ll be able to write again.\u00a0 If I get to see Marylou I’ll ask her to keep you up-to-date.<\/p>\n
Man, did I mess up – so much for our plans to sell cases. \u00a0I\u2019m probably going to lose my job.<\/p>\n
One thing\u2019s for DAMN sure – I\u2019d be really fucking bummed if this whole thing wasn\u2019t a damn April Fool\u2019s joke.<\/p>\n
From the Field,<\/p>\n
Dartoid<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi. Kelley Ragland again. Just received this message from Dartoid: Rags! I\u2019ve messed up bad! I\u2019m in jail, man. They released my friend, Jak. His dad\u2019s with NBC so he has some pull, I guess… 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Kelley Ragland again. Just received this message from Dartoid: Rags! I\u2019ve messed up bad! I\u2019m in jail, man. They released my friend, Jak. His dad\u2019s with NBC so he has some pull, I guess...","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":15,"user_id":2,"is_guest":0,"slug":"dartoid","display_name":"Dartoid","avatar_url":{"url":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png","url2x":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png"},"first_name":"Paul","last_name":"Seigel","user_url":"http:\/\/www.dartoidsworld.com","job_title":"","description":"\"Dartoid\" is the pseudonym of Paul Seigel, a prominent chronicler of darts for over 35 years. His columns are celebrated for their wit and insight, often detailing his quest for a game in exotic locales worldwide. His writing offers vibrant commentary on the competitive darts landscape, including players, organizations, tournaments and the sport's unique culture. Dartoid's articles are highly regarded among darts enthusiasts, solidifying his role as a pivotal figure in promoting and documenting darts as both a recreational pastime and professional sport."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7474","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7474"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7474\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6489"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7474"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=7474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}