Tuesday, March 1, 2011
\nColumn 406
\nThe Diary of an Unhealthy Dart Throwing Slug. Week Four of Nine.<\/b><\/p>\n
February 23, 2011<\/span> I threw some darts \u2013 some serious practice \u2013 hoping that Dave \u201cBoy\u201d Green would get back to me on what I thought was the crystal gauntlet I threw down last week \u2013 to put up or shut his pie hole. Apparently the Mouthy One can\u2019t read any better than he can spell.<\/p>\n Practice was the highlight of my day. Well\u2026 briefly. I hit back-to-back maximums and saw glory \u2013 but then hit a fat five with my seventh dart. It took 26 darts to finish the mess. So I packed it in and gorged on cashews and orange juice.<\/p>\n February 24, 2011<\/span> Today I am sick. First my mother lied and now it appears that the Whole Heath Plan is crap. It\u2019s supposed to protect<\/i> me. I\u2019ve eaten something like 125 oranges in the past almost four weeks and now I am too ill to pick up my darts. Maybe I should switch to an apple a day…<\/p>\n February 25, 2011<\/span> February 26, 2011<\/span> I am sure that I will be better or dead soon.<\/p>\n Thank you Reverend Raw.<\/p>\n From the Field,<\/p>\n Dartoid<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am in the middle of the fourth week of my nine-week diet and exercise program. Today I ate some weeds and dirt, ran twenty miles, sweated and almost died. Okay, the twenty mile bit may be an exaggeration or a gigantic frickin\u2019 lie. Take your pick. (NOTE: If you pick \u201cexaggeration\u201d you\u2019re a moron.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6491,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_eb_attr":"","_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Column #406 The Diary of an Unhealthy Dart Throwing Slug. Week Four of Nine.","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[15],"class_list":["post-7372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dartoid"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"views":2303,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1",520,347,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=300%2C200&ssl=1",300,200,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1",520,347,true],"large":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1",520,347,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1",520,347,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?fit=520%2C347&ssl=1",520,347,true],"rpwe-thumbnail":["https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/darts-image-feature-random-6-1.jpg?resize=45%2C45&ssl=1",45,45,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Dartoid","author_link":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/author\/dartoid\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"I am in the middle of the fourth week of my nine-week diet and exercise program. Today I ate some weeds and dirt, ran twenty miles, sweated and almost died. Okay, the twenty mile bit may be an exaggeration or a gigantic frickin\u2019 lie. Take your pick. (NOTE: If you pick \u201cexaggeration\u201d you\u2019re a moron.)","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":15,"user_id":2,"is_guest":0,"slug":"dartoid","display_name":"Dartoid","avatar_url":{"url":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png","url2x":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/2024-02-13-12_01_31-Dartoids-World-_-The-most-widely-read-column-about-darts-in-the-world.png"},"first_name":"Paul","last_name":"Seigel","user_url":"http:\/\/www.dartoidsworld.com","job_title":"","description":"\"Dartoid\" is the pseudonym of Paul Seigel, a prominent chronicler of darts for over 35 years. His columns are celebrated for their wit and insight, often detailing his quest for a game in exotic locales worldwide. His writing offers vibrant commentary on the competitive darts landscape, including players, organizations, tournaments and the sport's unique culture. Dartoid's articles are highly regarded among darts enthusiasts, solidifying his role as a pivotal figure in promoting and documenting darts as both a recreational pastime and professional sport."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7372","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7372"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7372\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7372"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7372"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7372"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dartoidsworld.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=7372"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nI am in the middle of the fourth week of my nine-week diet and exercise program. Today I ate some weeds and dirt, ran twenty miles, sweated and almost died. Okay, the twenty mile bit may be an exaggeration or a gigantic frickin\u2019 lie. Take your pick. (NOTE<\/span>: If you pick \u201cexaggeration\u201d you\u2019re a moron.)<\/p>\n
\nOne winter when I was eight years old I got the flu. My mother told me if I always wore my galoshes in the snow I would never get sick again. She lied. My mother lied<\/i>!<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019m still sick. Is it possible that all the good nutrients and enzymes I\u2019ve slammed for the past month have been defeated in battle by all the chemicals that have called my body home for the past half-century? Is it possible that my friend, Reverend Raw \u2013 the inventor of the Whole Health Plan \u2013 is just another lying mother<\/i>?<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019ve made it through one month on the Whole Health Plan! Excepting that I\u2019ve now puked for three days straight all is going well. Probably I\u2019ve lost more weight but I am too fatigued to get out of bed and walk to the scale to find out. I\u2019m so miserable that I can\u2019t even think of anything derogatory to say about Dave \u201cBoy\u201d Green.<\/p>\n