Tuesday, January 16, 2015
Column HR129
Kim Jong-un hacks Dartoid’s World!
Regular followers of Dartoid’s World know that the website was hacked, went down but not for the count. What happened? The site was hacked by none other than Kim Jong-un, the retarded midget that rules North Korea. His hacking of Sony – which was really big news – was just a trial run for taking down the “Big Name” in darts.
Initially rumors flew around that the ADO and/or the WDF was behind the hacking. Those rumors have proved false. One conspiracy theory was that the ADO Executive had nearly struck a deal with a hacker – but the ADO went to pay with their credit card it was declined so the deal fell through. In stepped Kim Jong-un to save the day for the likeminded ADO.
Kimmy, as his friend Dennis Rodman calls him, had his own bone to pick with the ADO, WDF, BDO, and the PDC. He got his XXL size shocking pink bikini panties in a wad after not being awarded ADO/WDF points for his placing in the North Korean Barely-Open. Jong-un was also unhappy because he excluded from the recent PDC World Championships and the BDO World Championships. In addition he issued a Kimchi – similar to an Islamic fatwa – against those organizations.
Kimmy mistook Dartroid’s World as the “mouth piece” of those entities which should clearly ring the “I’m a whack job” bell. That’s if the pink bikini panties didn’t do it. Despite the aforementioned Kimchi, the PDC World Professional went ahead as scheduled. Phil Taylor was set to win his 17th world title when the “Flying” Scot Gary Anderson turned the power off. Anderson would win the title, the Sid Waddell Trophy and £250,000, in a decider, 7-6. That would be 7 sets to 6 sets. Had the match been the best of 53 legs Taylor would have won 27-26 but it ’twasn’t.
It was a strange kind of final maybe due to the Kimchi issued by Kimmy. Darts fell out of the board like “raindrops” in a BJ Thomas song. Anderson started one leg with a 180 which fell out for no score. When Taylor was asked about this in the post-match interview he said, “No I didn’t see it. I wondered what happened.” Taylor is a lousy liar.
Commentator Wayne Mardle was asked…
“If your opponent had that problem to start a leg couldn’t you just throw three off the board to show sportsmanship?’
“Yes.”
“Would you do it?”
“No.”
Good man, Wayne.
During the final Anderson had more “robin hoods” than a plethora of Maid Marion’s could service. “Groups are too tight?” mumbled the ODC. John Part, during his stint behind the mike wondered, “Is he using flights or funnels?” Nice.
Taylor won every stat except sets and 180s. The average (100.69 to 97.68), break of throws (9-8), and doubles. In the end it was the doubles missed “what” did Taylor in. In one leg Taylor missed 12 darts at 32/16 to win a leg along with having 16 more chances to win a leg than Anderson.
Three of the Taylor sets were won 3-0 which indicates that Anderson was either “good” or he wasn’t. Anderson jumped to an early lead 3-1 though Taylor came back with 3 on the trot to take his only lead at 4-3. Taylor had chances to convert in two of the next three sets but couldn’t get it done losing all 3.
For Anderson it would be the PDC World Championship that eluded him in 2011. The win makes 7 major TV titles for Anderson. He’s no longer the “best player” never to win a world championship.
Former BDO World Champion Stephen Bunning made his debut – pronounced DA BUTT – at the PDC World Championships. He played well as one “fan” posted the following…
“Does anyone notice that Stephen Bunning looks like Peter Griffith from Family Guy?”
The ODC had thought that he looked like Humphrey Pennyworth. He mentioned that to a younger person and got the “brook trout look” asking who’s Humphrey Pennyworth?
“He’s in the Li’l Abner cartoons.”
“Who’s Li’l Abner?”
Sticking with Peter Griffith.
North American players did okay at the BDO World Championships. Jim Widmayer made it to the last 16 before being steamrolled by eventual finalist Martin Adams. Widmayer would lose 4-0 winning only one leg. Widmayer averaged 78.75 for the tournament. Canadian Jim Smith had a great run losing in the semi finals to eventual winner Scott Mitchell 6-0. Smith averaged 89.36, the second highest average of the tournament. Scott Mitchell would take the title with a 7-6 win over Martin Adams worth £100,000 and a free ride into the PDC should he be so inclined.
The Sage of Sittingbourne, Dave Whitcombe, had some fun at the expense of BDO tool and commentator Tony Green. In particular…
“I have never seen anyone hit 4 doubles in 4 darts for the first 4 legs.” Oh dear stop again, have a deep breath, and vacate the commentary box please.
Finally, “Tony Green is the best commentator for the totally deaf.”
The ODC was taken when Green opined…
“The BDO breeds these young players.”
Oh my! The headline blares, “The BDO breeds young players for the PDC.”
Many moons ago the ODC was playing in the Dutch Open where he actually won a couple of matches. During the playing of the finals a fight broke out in the crowd that spilled onto the stage with “bits and pieces” flying everywhere. When things died down Eric Bristow, then the reigning king of darts, won yet another title.
One way full PDC players augment their income is to play in “invitational” events throughout the world. The latest was held in Melbourne with Michael van Gerwen, Simon Whitlock, James Wade, and Raymond van Barneveld making the trip for cash. van Gerwen was playing Simon Whitlock when all hell broke loose.
The match was “…halted when a boisterous crowd took to throwing chairs, tossing tables and grappling in groups. Images show a man dressed as Batman’s sidekick Robin wrestling with an English knight, while security guards try to calm the situation down. Other pictures show men in Hawaiian shirts and also a gang of Oompa Loompas throwing furniture.”
The author ended with, “The final of the tournament was temporarily delayed due to the situation. The eyewitness said when it eventually concluded, the winner – Michael van Gerwen – seemed unimpressed.”
Okay, before you ask – an Oompa Loompa? “Any one of the fictional dwarves who manufacture candy and sarcastically dispense songs – or a person appearing orange from fake tanning.”
The ODC has read that binge drinking is very dangerous. Binge drinking is defined as have 8 or more drinks per day. The ODC calls it “getting ready to play darts.”
In 2015, it is hoped that those in the American darting scene will finally admit that the ADO does a great job of what they do.
“What does the ADO do?”
“That’s a different question all together.”
