I write crap. I’m an expert at it. I drove my college creative writing professor to drink because I wrote and then published an essay arguing that administrators at Western Michigan University should be jailed for allowing behavioral psychology professors to let students torture and kill rats. I got hauled into the Dean’s office for “jeopardizing the university’s relationship” with the Upjohn Corporation, from where they got thousands of rats each semester – and also probably hundreds of thousands of dollars. Screw ‘em! I still stand by my case. It’s cruel and unnecessary to inflict pain upon and kill thousands of sentient beings to learn what is already known and can be found in a damn textbook. But I digress. Digressing is just one strategy in the art of writing crap.